I had a dream last night that a bunch of us (who “us” is I couldn’t figure out...and I tried)…a bunch of us were driving through a park, during a writers festival. We stopped and congregated around a wooden picnic table, with the task to write Something Epic.
My dream changed.
Luke Skywalker…who looked like Liam Neeson and Hal Sparks love child…was walking down the hall. The camera followed him, questioning him authoritatively.
Camera: Do you know what happened?
Luke: I do. I destroyed the aircraft.
C: Do you know why?
L: I didn’t follow procedure.
C: That is correct. Which procedure didn’t you follow?
L: (Smiles wanly)
C: Come, let’s have some lunch.
(Pulls Luke to a table, bids him sit. C hands L a warm, brown chicken leg.)
C: This will make you feel better.
L: (eats, smiles) I didn’t enter the proper coordinates.
C: You didn’t enter the proper…yes. (smiles) Now…let’s dig in. Ah, how I love chicken!
(Camera pulls back to reveal the speaker…a floppy teddy bear wearing a nightcap and nightshirt…voiced by Jason Alexander. The Bear and Luke smack their lips and laugh, the camera pulls back farther to reveal Jason Alexander, who reaches over to the chicken…minus drumsticks…lying resplendent and juicy on a tray…and shakes a wing so the entire carcass moves and shimmies like an exotic dancer. They giggle. “Chicken Advisory Board” graphic pops to bottom of screen.)
I wrote a chicken commercial. In my dream, as a writer, I wrote a goddamn chicken commercial. And a feverish, nerdy one at that.
I feel so...cheap.
And so hungry....