Thursday, March 29, 2007

Poetry Friday Word for Tomorrow, plus Oompa-Loompa programmers, Magical Thinking, and Cheeeeeese, Gromit

1) The beautiful and talented Maggie will be offering up the Poetry Friday WORD for tomorrow. Check her site, and check often, as she is a brilliant writer and all-around Girl-You-Wanna-Be-With. Feel free to use the Word in your blog post tomorrow, in whatever manner laces your boots…poem, story, photo, recipe for mulligan stew, graphic retelling of your favourite folktale, slightly naughty limerick….

2) Last night I dreamed that my company hired a bunch of Oompa Loompas to do some computer programming for us. The old version of OLs, the Gene Wilder-version, with orange skin and balloon-y pants and notsomuchfunk as Deep Roy. The Oompa Loompas may be good at making candy, but in my dream, they made TERRIBLE programmers. The Marketing manager and I sat discussing their apparent lack of progress on the project, and I said, “He made it basically functional, BUT he forgot to put in that bit of code that said, ‘In case this doesn’t happen….’”, and the Marketing manager and I were laughing our geeky pants clean off, when my alarm sounded and I woke up, slapped at the blasted thing, then sat on the edge of the bed wondering, Why…why do I have to dream about working, only to wake up and have to go to work? Don’t I get overtime pay or something??

3) In Augusten Burroughs’ book, “Magical Thinking” (not to be confused with Joan Didion’s book of similar title), he explains that “magical thinking” is the belief that your thoughts control the world around you…that magical convergence of the wishing for something to happen and then it happens. (I found this thing just now, and I adore Augusten even more after reading it.) This morning I drove to work and, as I approached a nasty criss-cross set of railroad tracks, thought “I’m not gonna be stopped by a train today.” Just then, the crossing gates came down and the lights and bells blared. Lucky for me, I had to turn onto a cross-street right before the tracks. I went on my merry way, driving parallel to the train tracks, outrunning the train handily, traversing the snare of trunk lines and street signs and made it to work in record time. I am also convinced that when street lights shut off as I drive under them, it’s because my aura shines as bright as the sun. Doesn’t everyone think this?

4) Yesterday I refused one of those fake-cheese-and-small-cracker packets offered me by a co-worker. We then launched a conversation revolving around cheese and cheesy comestibles, ending in the possibility that I am a cheese snob. It’s possible. It’s probable. I often hear the lilting call of a chunk of bleu cheese, or the sharp tongue of cheddar, or the siren song of a boursin box coming from my refrigerator. I am not, however, above slapping two slices of ‘Merican cheese on white bread, grilling them, and wolfing them down like a hungry 5-year old. Are you a snob about anything?

16 Comments:

At 8:18 AM, Blogger Maggie said...

Haven't you heard? I'm a potty snob! But you could probably call me a cheese snob too. I love the fancy schmancies. But (whispering) I have been known to use Velveeta sometimes...don't tell anyone!

I need to check Augusten Burroughs out - heard of him but never read him. After that article, I really really want to.

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Mags: shhh...I also have been known to cut off a hunk of Velveeta from time to time. The Food Network had chefs 'come out' with their admittance that they like Velveeta...nothing else is as creamy or melty. Oh yeah, Augusten Rawks! But...he does have a mouth on him, so make sure the kids don't read over your shoulder....

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger Maggie said...

Aww, I miss Food Network. I won't tell if you won't.

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger Pomme said...

Maybe it's because I'm French, but I feel the same way about the Oompa Loompas. Oops, I meant cheese. I recently tasted cheese I didn't know they existed in Bourgogne, with some dry grape, nuts and wine. It was completely awesome. But sliced hamburger cheese ? Bleh.

Damn, now that you said it, my mouth is watering thinking of Boursin...

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger patches said...

Thanks for the Burroughs link. I finished Running with Scissors a few months ago. Oh the humor, oh the horror. Mark me down as a definite bathroom snob.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Ooo...good article. I'll have to ask O if he has any Burroughs at the store...and he does! Yay! Connections, heh.

My SIL claims I'm a food snob and hates me for it. But O just said, "How could someone who will drive out of her way for a sub-standard Hamburger Stand hamburger be a food snob.' So, scratch that.

Shampoo. I'm a shampoo snob. I only use Bath and Body Works Jasmine Vanilla shampoo. But I only buy it on sale. Does that count?

*snort* my WV is 'coxfck'. Magical thinking indeed...

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Maggie: our little secret, hon.

Pomme: I'm always up for trying a new cheese, and the one you described has me similarly drooling! Do you have a site or a blog? I want to read you!

Patches: Running w/Scissors was the first book of his I read, and then I went out and bought all the other ones because I am obsessive about writers I like. I'd recommend 'em all.

Nancy: HAH! I think 'coxfck' should be a Poetry Friday Word! And Bath and Body Works coconut lotion soap is my favourite...ooh, it's like a pretty drink you can't drink!

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger meno said...

I am a but of a grammar snob. But that kind of goes by the wayside when i screw up. But the hair on the back of my neck itches when i see certain errors.

Also a cheese snob. Just say no to processed cheese food.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Lucia said...

Why, why does my brain sometimes see different words? I thought you were talking about cheese combustibles.

(Is that Velveeta stuck to the bottom of your shoe?)

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger Faith said...

I'm a personal space snob, if there is such a thing. And I'm with meno on being the grammar snob. (I think it's the BEST snobs that can actually admit when they make a mistake themselves, meno! Just makes us human...)

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

meno: There/Their/They're...I'm picky about that one.

lucia: That would totally work if someone invented a car that ran on fromage...the combustible cheese car...gives off fumes that smell like feta....

Faith: I'm particular in my personal space as well...the Guy Who Smells Nice and Makes Me Desserts...he can be close. The Guy Who Doesn't Shower and Spits On Me When He Talks...40 feet away, please.

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger Orange said...

Ooh, am I a snob? I am indeed. I posted about a month ago about a weekend in The Wrong Suburbs—that whole weekend was a snobgasm for me. I'm a snob about blog writing—not only can't I read a blog that isn't written well (though wit excuses a lot of typos, that's for damn sure), I can't bring myself to read a blog with commenters who write poorly. I'm a snob about crossword puzzles. I'm a snob about bigotry, but that particular snobbery is completely defensible.

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Gotta have Clover Leaf Solid White Tuna with good mayo on great grain bread and real butter!

Don't do No Name generic coffee, shampoo and tons of other things!

 
At 7:42 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Orange: I remember that post. I was right there with you, sister. I don't know how you stood an entire weekend.

MoI: I can eat any tuna, but when it comes to peanut butter, it has to be Jif. They could and should pay me to do a commercial for them.

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Teri said...

That magical convergence thing? It totally just happened to me yesterday... so, of course, I cannot blog about it because that would ruin the magic.

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger Pomme said...

mona : alas, I used to have a blog, but it was a french-written one, and not very interesting. But I have an email! Plus, in France, people reads YOU!

(hope you'll catch that one...)

 

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