The Penis Flap
Some time between 2nd and 4th grades, my mother decided I needed domesticating. She began teaching me the fine art of being a clever, helpful housewoman. Which of course included learning how to wash dishes, dust, bake cookies, sew (by hand and machine), carve cunning little animals out of bars of Ivory soap (4-H, y'all, and don't laugh...I won a ribbon at the county fair with that thing! The height of pathetic crafts!).
And laundry. My most favoritest thing. It didn't require muscle, I loved the smell of the detergent and fabric softener, the machines were warm and soothing, and I liked to do a 'laying of hands' on them to get a vibraty feeling all through my gutiwuts. (I still like doing that, albeit with Sergei riding me like a two-fer at the pony ranch.) I liked folding laundry, the methodical, careful way of sorting and folding and stacking and putting away that probably fed my nasty anal laundry habits to this day.
So it shocked my Hushpuppies off when, at age 16, I made a huge discovery at the laundry basket.
Folding up a pair of my brother's "tidy whities", I accidentally looped one finger in the penis flap. I thought at first I tore a hole in it, but upon closer examination, I realized the manufacturers put a flap there. What? Was this right? No, it had to be just my brother's underwear. Cause MY underwear didn't have a flap of any kind, either fore or aft.
My mom was close by, and without thinking, I blurted out, "Hey mom, what's with this flap in Junior's underwear?"
It's an understatement to say my mom was surprised. She looked at me like I had a naked, dancing leprechaun on my head. "Uh, all men's underwear have them. Boys and men. Makes it easier to pee. They...uh...you know...just stick it out there and through the zipper in their pants, and...uh...pee."
What? The? Bloody? Fuck? Why hadn't I noticed this before? Why, after the hundreds of pairs of underwear I'd folded in my years did I never see that? (And why do they call it a 'pair' when it's just one thing...is it because a 'pair' of ballsl fit in there?)
From thence on, I have marveled at the mechanics and construction of men's underwear.
In college I, of course, did the quasi-rebellious girl/boy bending and wore men's boxers as shorts. VERY comfortable, I must say, especially if you can get away with not wearing underwear underneath. (DON'T cross your legs if you do this, and I mean it, young lady, 'cause even if you have a well-hidden furry cootchie, or even a totally shaved one, men will see your *sideways taco*. They will. Don't say I didn't warn ya.)
Men I dated (read "fucked") in college exposed me to various specimens of boxers, speedos, and interesting garments with animal faces (okay, so it was an elephant, and you put your penis in the 'trunk', and when you prance around in front of the guy, the elephant lifts his nose up and you can hear vague "Wild Kingdom' pachyderm sound effects....PPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAHHH.) Briefs were mostly seen, they're 3 for $5 in any grocery store, c'mon.
I liked boxers a lot, they allow for greater angle in the dangle, more peek-age. Plus...ooh!...pretty colors and patterns! Cartoon characters and glow-in-the-dark sexual innuendo!
Goin' commando is it's own reward, really, sorta anti-climactic once you drop trou.
After a while, though, seeing the various conditions and types of underwear, I grew innured to its charm. I was more concerned about what was underneath. It's sort of like woman's lingerie. I can put on something lacy and sexy, but if Sergei's around, it doesn't stay on long. So what's the point? Except the teasing factor if you're at a fancy dinner party or serious adult function like law school graduation. Sommit like that.
I do, however, have an appreciation for a type of men's underwear that's a bit late to the party. Boxer briefs. Ooh, wait, I'm having a little orgasm just thinking about them. Hold on.
Okay, I'm back. Boxer briefs hug the male form, waist to upper thigh. Stretchy sexy stuff there. And if the guy has one of those butts, those muscular butts with the little dents in the side, firm and...hold on.
Yeah. Whew. That's hot. Hotter than being nekked. Cause I like the flirty-teasing aspect of skin-tight lycra/cotton blends. Ooh yeah!
I'm interested to see what you women like in a man's underwear. Wait! That didn't come out right! 'Cause we'd all answer, "Dammit Mona! It's the cock-and-balls, where have you been?!" I should say, I'd like to know which type of men's underwear holds a particular affinity for you, if any.
Men, same thing. Are boxer briefs comfortable? Do ya tend to stick out the bottom of regular boxers (cause you're just so huge, face it, now)? Are briefs really that constraining, does your johnson ever peek out the flap accidentally, or through the bottom of a box of popcorn, ala "Diner"?
C'mon, spill it!