Friday, July 29, 2005

Mona's O: At the "Y"

Guy 1: What's the best way to give a woman an orgasm?
Guy 2: Who cares?!

Guys 1 and 2 laugh, and Mona shoots them with an elephant gun.

Men's orgasms are seemingly effortless. A coupla flicks of the wrist, a rubbing of pelvis to mattress, a good fantasy or sight of legs *up to here*, and lovely seminal fluid is rocket fuel to self-replication.

So why do women orgasm?

I guess my answer would be, "Why not?"

Human bodies teem with nerves. Those nerves follow circuits to the brain, stimulating pain and pleasure centers. Gentle manipulation of most nerve endings brings about some sensation, generally pleasant (unless you try to stick your finger between my toes, then my head explodes and the screams reverb throughout the house...not pleasure, I don't know WHAT that is).

My favorite ethics guru, Rob Helpy-Chalk, examined a book by Elisabeth Lloyd, "The Case of the Female Orgasm". Llyod took issue with most research she found regarding the female orgasm. She found much of the research tainted with male-biased views on sex, and centered on whether the female body has been adapted to orgasm. Read all Rob's posts on the subject (see his right panel) but you should definitely check out posts one, four, six, and seven. They're the ones that made me think most about my own orgasms.

Why do I orgasm?

Okay, some answers.

1) It feels good. Let's not beat around the bush here (pun intended). The tension and release inherent in an orgasm is a pleasurable experience. And by "orgasm", I mean any stimulation of any body part that results in a sexuality-based tension/release sensation, including clitoral, vaginal, anal, oral, skin, mental, whatever ya got.

2) We have the nerves. In the early stages of development, before that second X loses a leg and becomes a male Y, fetal tissue is sent signals to create nerve pathways. After the gender is determined, other changes take place to form a penis or a vagina. However, having seen numerous documentaries on transexual surgeries, and seeing how a clitoris can be made to a penis (with hormones added, of course), and vice-versa, those initial nerve pathways don't leave once your gender has been determined. They're merely altered, not disposed of.

3) Orgasms of various types elicit vaginal contractions. It is possible that this is to create a peristaltic wave of sorts that coaxes sperm up the female reproductive system for impregnation. However, having seen a video of that action (and how they got a teeny-tiny camera up there to catch the action, well, thank god for microprocessors!), I have my doubts about this. A contraction doesn't mean the muscle is urging anything to come into it. It may signify great muscular strain. I can hold my fist next to a cup of coffee, and tense and release it, that doesn't mean I'm hoping to suck coffee into my hand, it's just flexing. Contracting and releasing.

4) It may stimulate your lover. I'll just leave that there for further exploration.

5) It releases tension. Again, related to the tension/release aspect, but post-orgasm, the entire body relaxes, not just the stimulated areas. Brain function can slow, sleepiness occur, headaches disappear, a general sense of calm.

6) It can indicate the quality of the personal relationship. I'm not going to go so far as to say if you make me orgasm, that you're the king, the god, the keeper of my body. Hell, I had an orgasm eating Chilean sea bass, and that fish is NOT my master! I'm not sure if Sergei can feel my orgasms or not, but I know when he stimulates me to orgasm, I want to do the same for him, and hold him in high regard for knowing what I like. Of course, that has more to do with the relationship in general, the fact that we're committed and have a life together. However, I know from past experience, pre-Sergei, that men who couldn't bring me to orgasm, or didn't take the time to even try, were dismissed as sexual partners. Quickly. While that may seem such a trivial thing, that I could have had a wonderful lasting relationship with them regardless of the sex, it IS a brick in the wall of relationship. If the sex isn't good, I can't play. Period.

So this is me, blahblahblahing about orgasm. My research into the female orgasm is one-sided...ME-sided, actually. I pulled out 'The New Our Bodies, Ourselves' last night and tried to find out their 'why', but got sucked into 'how', and then distracted.

Why does Mona orgasm? Because she wants to. And perhaps next week, I'll count the ways.


At 3:23 PM, Blogger Sergei C. said...

Ah yes, the Chilean sea-bass, I had forgotten about that. No wonder the poor little sucker got fished just about out of existence. And now I know why that book was under the computer desk this morning . . .

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Orange said...

A fish dinner brings you to completion? Girl, you are seriously whacked out.

And next week, you'll count the ways? Is it just me, or does everyone think that's going to be a lo-o-o-o-ong post?

I haven't read your Cherry Stem Knots post yet. Hoping to read it with my husband, as he has a crush on you...

At 9:19 AM, Blogger your fiend, mr. jones said...

I was debating whether to keep mentioning my idiot left foot injury anymore and then realized how far you can take topics...

...and then further realized how non-sexy broken bones in one's foot are.

Thank you for helping me through this difficult process.

At 11:18 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Sergei: Yeah, I forgot to mention that. Was hoping the kids wouldn't find it and start asking questions....

Orange: But it was REALLY good fish! Oh, you would have loved it! And yes, I'd recommend reading the porn poem with your hubby, 'cause it might make you know....

Mr. Jones: I can't wait to read more about your foot! Not that I have a fetish or anything, but...!

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Shirley said...

Count the ways, go ahead. Just thought I'd post a comment, since you thought writing about it scares people. Not scared, Mona, not scared.


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