Thursday, July 21, 2005

“Flirting is Not a Crime”

(My co-worker, Jim, saw this on a t-shirt yesterday. I told him to buy me one next time he sees it.)

Yesterday I spouted rather longwindedly about words, how they’re used, how yummy and delicious they are when used properly. Co-worker Jim and I have always had a disagreement about two words and their implied meanings.

The words?

Flirt.

Tease.

And both used in a sexual way.

In my vocabulary, “flirt” implies a certain amount of innocence, a lack of intent, a general bantering of sexual words, phrases, gentle touches on non-sexual areas of the body, displaying affection but no interest in seeing that person naked. (Not entirely true…there MAY BE an interest in seeing that person bare-ass nekked and bonking their brains out in new and interesting ways, but the moral compass of both parties points to the ‘no thanks’ direction.)

To me, “tease” implies that what the person really wants to do is sexually arouse the other person to the point that they seriously, hotly, wetly, hard-ly, want to have sex with them…and then the ‘teaser’ doesn’t allow the sex to happen. One or both parties want desperately to have sex with the other, but the ‘teaser’ has a malicious streak and uses the teasing to get something…attention, favors, whatever. “Prick-tease”, for example, implies a sexual set-up without resolution.

Jim’s opinion is exactly opposite. He sees flirting as something done with intent, and teasing as harmless fun.

Wikipedia makes the following distinctions:

"To tease", or to "be a tease" in a sexual sense can mean to by dress, posture, language and/or other means of flirting to cause another person to become sexually aroused, without any intent to proceed further - usually to the frustration of the person teased. However, such teasing may sometimes be an intended prelude to a more serious engagement, an ambiguity that may lead to uncomfortable situations. In a more physical sense, it can also mean slowly pleasuring someone while holding off bringing them to orgasm.

Flirting is often described as casual conversation with a romantic touch, but it need not be spoken interaction at all. Flirting is a way of treating serious things (such as sexual attraction) with an almost mocking or self-mocking air of ease. It can be either pleasantly diverting or wildly exciting, depending on the context. People who flirt can speak and act in a way that suggests greater intimacy than is appropriate to the relationship (or to the amount of time the two people have known each other), without actually saying or doing anything inappropriate. One way they accomplish this is to communicate a sense of playfulness or irony. Flirting is an important part of courtship. It often also continues into long-term relationships like marriage.

So I’m thinking I’m right.

But I’m not exactly sure. Thoughts?

And I think I am merely a flirt, but am often accused of being a tease. Geez, like I can help it that I’m sexy and alluring!

10 Comments:

At 11:19 AM, Blogger Serra said...

I have to agree here--teasing is deliberate, like when I flash my tits at Honey while his mom's back is turned, just to watch his eyes roll back in his head. I like knowing he wants me and I can let him know I want him without having to grab him by the hand and explain in little words what's about to happen if I can talk him into it.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Lost said...

I have to agree with you too. There are big differences in being a flirt than a tease. A flirt isn't bad but being called a tease is awful.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger annush said...

I always thought I was merely a flirt but rumor has it, I'm a tease. I think being flirty is better than being a tease but there is nothing like being a bad girl :)

 
At 8:47 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

"…there MAY BE an interest in seeing that person bare-ass nekked and bonking their brains out in new and interesting ways, but the moral compass of both parties points to the ‘no thanks’ direction."

Sigh. I have one of those at work. Sigh. Sigh. Cuss. Sigh.

I am neither a flirt nor a tease; I am just damned inappropriate!

 
At 10:53 PM, Blogger midwest_hick said...

I think ya nailed it...lol

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger Rob Helpy-Chalk said...

My associations match yours (and wikipedia's). Also, flirting, good, teasing, bad. You always struck me as a first class flirt.

I'm mostly just impressed that people took time out of their lives to define "flirting" and "teasing" on wikipedia.

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Serra: I once pseudo-flashed my boss. He didn't realize I had a t-shirt on underneath my sweater, and I stood outside the Manager Meeting Room door, which had a tiny window, saw boss's face, and lifted the sweater. Boss was stunned. Couldn't walk for a while. Boys can be soooo easy!

Lost: My husband calls me a flirt when I chat up waiters. I keep trying to tell him, I'm NOT flirting, I'm just trying to get good service!

Annush: Perhaps you're both? I dunno, but that photo of you is nearing 'tease'! Yer one hot lady!

Pisser: Platonic love-affairs always kinda suck. But what sucks more is dating someone you work with and then breaking up. URGH! Mona is having flashbacks! Sorry!

Midwest: I'm pegging you for tease. Am I right? Huh?

Rob: My new goal is to contribute to wikipedia...I'm thinking their 'orgasm' definition needs oomphing. And thank you for the 'first-class' nod. I'd hate to be a third-rate flirt!

 
At 11:28 PM, Blogger midwest_hick said...

me tease?...at my age?....my heart couldn't take it.....lol

 
At 11:48 PM, Blogger Orange said...

You're right about the definitions, absolutely. A flirt does what you do at the office. Talking, flattery, innuendo, maybe a touch on the arm—that's flirting. A tease would saddle up on some guy's office chair and give him a cubicle lap dance, then leave for lunch break. Outright titillation followed by snatching away the promise—that's teasing. (Did you ever see "titillate" and "snatch" in the same sentence?)

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Midwest: Just be careful about beddin' them young chippies! Heart attack in a halter top, fer sure!

Orange: Heeheehee...you said 'tit'!!! I have NEVER seen those two words in a sentence, but think they should be used together more often!

 

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