“Flirting is Not a Crime”

(My co-worker, Jim, saw this on a t-shirt yesterday. I told him to buy me one next time he sees it.)

Yesterday I spouted rather longwindedly about words, how they’re used, how yummy and delicious they are when used properly. Co-worker Jim and I have always had a disagreement about two words and their implied meanings.

The words?

Flirt.

Tease.

And both used in a sexual way.

In my vocabulary, “flirt” implies a certain amount of innocence, a lack of intent, a general bantering of sexual words, phrases, gentle touches on non-sexual areas of the body, displaying affection but no interest in seeing that person naked. (Not entirely true…there MAY BE an interest in seeing that person bare-ass nekked and bonking their brains out in new and interesting ways, but the moral compass of both parties points to the ‘no thanks’ direction.)

To me, “tease” implies that what the person really wants to do is sexually arouse the other person to the point that they seriously, hotly, wetly, hard-ly, want to have sex with them…and then the ‘teaser’ doesn’t allow the sex to happen. One or both parties want desperately to have sex with the other, but the ‘teaser’ has a malicious streak and uses the teasing to get something…attention, favors, whatever. “Prick-tease”, for example, implies a sexual set-up without resolution.

Jim’s opinion is exactly opposite. He sees flirting as something done with intent, and teasing as harmless fun.

Wikipedia makes the following distinctions:

"To tease", or to "be a tease" in a sexual sense can mean to by dress, posture, language and/or other means of flirting to cause another person to become sexually aroused, without any intent to proceed further - usually to the frustration of the person teased. However, such teasing may sometimes be an intended prelude to a more serious engagement, an ambiguity that may lead to uncomfortable situations. In a more physical sense, it can also mean slowly pleasuring someone while holding off bringing them to orgasm.

Flirting is often described as casual conversation with a romantic touch, but it need not be spoken interaction at all. Flirting is a way of treating serious things (such as sexual attraction) with an almost mocking or self-mocking air of ease. It can be either pleasantly diverting or wildly exciting, depending on the context. People who flirt can speak and act in a way that suggests greater intimacy than is appropriate to the relationship (or to the amount of time the two people have known each other), without actually saying or doing anything inappropriate. One way they accomplish this is to communicate a sense of playfulness or irony. Flirting is an important part of courtship. It often also continues into long-term relationships like marriage.

So I’m thinking I’m right.

But I’m not exactly sure. Thoughts?

And I think I am merely a flirt, but am often accused of being a tease. Geez, like I can help it that I’m sexy and alluring!