Friday, July 15, 2005

It's The "Psychosis" Part That'll Git Ya!

One of the unfortunate side-effects of insomnia is the difficult transition to sleep mode. Once 'on', the brain needs a special trigger to flip the switch down and fall into whatever sleep pattern the body chooses.

Unfortunately, I'm stuck "on".

Doesn't help that the duties and responsibilities of a mom, wife, software chick, obsessive-compulsive load me down with things I have to do or want to do.

So last night, everyone's in bed but me. I'm doing laundry. Wrapping birthday presents. Decorating a cake. Doing dishes. Downloading photos. Finally get to check my email around Midnight, get hopelessly lost in blogs, it's then 1:30 a.m. and I'm still awake. And then I panic, and figure out how many hours of sleep I'd conceivably get if I went to bed right now, if I have to get up at 6 am.

I go to bed wide awake.

Try to close my eyes, and all these thoughts keep bumping around in there.

Remember to send money with the boy-child for his field trip Friday.
Was that one of the kids crying, or the dog next door?
Why does Haloscan suck lately?
How should I seduce Sergei on his birthday...oh that song..."and which sex position pleases best her old man...."
Did I send email to Rob tonight? Or did I dream that?
Parachute turtle...hey kids, there's a new ice cream treat in town! Parachute turtle! Come taste the goodness! (peppy music playing) "Parachute turrrrrrrtle! Yummy in yer mouth!"
"...and which sex position pleases best her old man...wooooooooooo...."
Laundry buzzed...should I get it? Should I do it tomorrow?
Was that the front door slamming shut? Should I throw on clothes and check?

It was like that scary movie where the girl tried to turn the television off and it wouldn't go off and just drove her insane.

The more time that ticked by, the more frantic I became. Masturbation! Yeah! That'll do it! Alas, every good and great fantasy was slow to grease the wheel of climax, and I ended up spending way too much time slapping my rug. I finished, finally, and rolled on my side in the comfortable fetal position, sighed...and waited....


Still not sleepy.

Some time after 2 a.m. the boy-child got up to pee, I silently monitored his progress, dressed and led him back to bed when he virtually fell asleep on the toilet, and returned to bed.

It was probably close to 2:30 a.m. when I drifted off. Or went comatose.

And I did get up, reluctantly, at 6 a.m. Well, 6-ish.

Due to pots of coffee and me leading myself with a carrot of perhaps peanuts from the vending machine, I am awake. The sleep deprivation psychosis I was expecting is hold up in some pen somewhere. Tonight Sergei and the kids and I will celebrate his birthday, out for dinner, cake later, presents, and lovely sex later. Fingers crossed that I'll actually be able to sleep tonight. Without the rug-thrashing.


At 9:12 AM, Blogger Rob Helpy-Chalk said...

FWIW, you did email me.

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Rob: Oh good, I'm not totally insane. I've missed your comments, BTW. You add a certain intelligence to my blather.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Orange said...

Have you talked to a sleep specialist physician about your insomnia? Have you tried adjusting your "sleep hygiene"? It involves winding down in the evening instead of revving up. No caffeine past early afternoon. Go to bed earlier. Leave the laundry for the birthday boy.

Hey, "a carrot of perhaps peanuts" is one of the wackiest mixed-up metaphors ever!

At 12:38 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Orange: I am a connouisseur of mixed metaphors! And I still need to grab those nuts.

As for the sleep, no, I haven't talked to a dr. about it. I probably don't help by fighting it. Some nights I'll get tired early, oh, 7 p.m., and just gulp down caffeine because I NEED to be awake to get everything done for the next day and the kids in bed. And an endless supply of blog post bitching!


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