Tuesday, July 05, 2005

That Crap In the Bottom of the Basket

I think I might have intermittent OCD.

Otherwise known as period-induced stress cleaning.

I spent two days of our glorious three-day weekend cleaning the kids' rooms. Because the wee ones couldn't find anything in there, there were dust 'cats' under the bed, and it was time to de-bunk the boy-child (and give his top bunk to the girl-child, she formerly of the toddler-bed). I spent hundreds of dollars on plastic storage boxes, Strawberry Shortcake bedding, and closet accoutrements. Got all caffeined-up and attacked those rooms with the ferociousness of a jungle lion on a young, fresh zebra...RRAOW!...(bite, tear)...rrrmmmmrrrmmmm...(drool)...belch.... The kids didn't realize I threw away three huge garbage bags full of their crap, they were just happy, once done, to be able to play in their (now) clean rooms without their evil bitchy mother yelling, "Don't get that out, I just cleaned it up! RRAOW!"

But I missed out on two days of kid-fun. And now I'm sorta pissed at myself. But at least I won't have that nagging little bitch in my head yelling at me, "Your kids are sleeping in filth! What a terrible mother you are!"

Well, that's about enough of complete sentences. Time for little things.

1) Someone on Ebay bid $351,000 to have lunch with Warren Buffett. Huh. Uh...why?? I mean, an author-friend of mine is pen-pals with Warren, AND has had dinner with the man. Maybe Ebay-Bidder should just break out the good stationery and write a letter....

2) Everyone's all hyped-up about Google and Yahoo and all them touting their new aerial photo software, that lets you see all the manholes in Manhattan and such. Big Brother!, some shout. So What?!, others yell. It may happen, it may not. All I know is, when my local bookstore chain posts huge signs in their store that they will NOT comply with any government agency that demands to know which customers bought which books, I'm still pretty safe.

3) IHOP has funnel cakes. Let me say that again. International House of Pancakes is selling fried dough, topped with fruit and whipped cream, for breakfast. It's greasy, and sugary, and you can feel your heart skip with anticipated heart attacks, but maaaaaaan, that stuff is good! The strawberry is great, the blueberry is even better!

4) The IFC channel this last weekend had 'The British Are Coming!' movies (and I nearly peed myself laughing when I first saw that commercial...the 4th of July and the British are landing on our shores...now THAT'S funny, right there!). Last night I watched part of 'Velvet Goldmine', a movie I'd seen before but which is so darn twisted you have to watch again and again. And, of course, I had a dream last night about the Brian Slade character, that I was 20 years old (hah!) and he and I met and had this incredible affair. I think I was more freaked out that I was 20 again.

5) Watched 'The Machinist' this weekend. I love Christian Bale, but the man freaked my ass out by becoming a skeleton. Oof. Christian, baby, I know you did that for the movie, and then bulked up to play Batman right afterwards, but you SCARED me. I could see your backbone from the front of you. Don't do that again. (P.S. - I still love you, and will rotate you soon.)

6) Also saw 'The Life Aquatic'...pretty good. Wes Anderson is like scotch...sort of an acquired taste...but I happen to really really like scotch...a LOT.

7) Checking my favorite blogs this morning, tried to post comments, but nothing came out. Have a sneaking suspicion that something's farked with our servers or something. We're thinking our former internet guy, who was reticent to tell anyone ANYTHING about what he was working on before he stormed out on his last day, sabbotaged us. I would officially hate him, but karma doesn't play like that, so I just wish him his own medicine back, on a spoon of acid.

I need a nap now.


At 10:40 AM, Blogger Serra said...

Hunt down your former Net geek and smack him up! Not being able to leave comments circumvents your freedom of speech!

Passing you a cup of delicious Kona coffee, the real thing, not some flavored blend.

Perhaps that'll cure the nap urge? It's pretty dismal here too and I'm hoping it'll help--I only break out the Kona stash for special occasions.

At 11:12 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Serra, I love you ! That kona hits the spot...thanks! Did you know we get fewer moments of sunshine in our state than does Seattle or London? Friiiiiick.

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Maine said...

I had the IHOP funnel cake. I am now 12 pounds heavier.

Oh, and I initially misread that statement to say somebody paid $351,000 to eat at the Warren Buffet (as in the buffet in Warren, VA). That's crazy. Golden Corral is way more affordable.

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Rob Helpy-Chalk said...

I love Christian Bale, but the man freaked my ass out by becoming a skeleton.

Sometimes I wonder if movies will be replaced entirely by high-profile public weight changes. Rather than actually having a plot or character they will just announce, "Katie Holmes put on 500 pounds for this role!" and then show a bunch of still pictures of her.

At 6:50 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

Funnel cakes = sex

IT Guys = the devil

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Orange said...

You've got to see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Brad and Angelina are fairly tasty, of course, and the violence level was one part "The War of the Roses" (Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas as sparring exes), one part Rambo-kills-a-zillion-people-you-don't-know. But hilarious all the way through, really.

Mona, could you please come to my house and get rid of three garbage bags of my kid's toys and crap? Please?

At 9:56 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Maine: We have Olde Country Buffet, which could be a gentleman from the deep south, I s'pose. With a little twirly moustache and dressed like Col. Sanders.

Rob: I have to admit, one of the big draws to see 'The Machinist' was seeing Christian super-skinny, just to see what that was like. That's pathetic of me, as an afterthought. But you should still see it, to gasp in shock and horror as we did.

Pisser: Right on, sistah!

Orange: I'll be right there, just keep the kiddo busy whilst I do a reverse-Santa....

At 10:30 PM, Blogger curious servant said...

I stopped by and read your blog for a while. I thought I'd leave a note that I was here.

Love the literary references. Yawp on!

At 8:31 AM, Blogger your fiend, mr. jones said...

Don't listen to the man...

...Scotch is good. Scotch is verrrry goooood.

Or as I used to call it when I was doing stand-up, "performance juice".

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Curious: Yawp! Yawp!

Mr. Jones: I want to hear some of your standup...with and without scotch!

"A grasshopper goes into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Irving?"

(Don't blame me, I stole that one from Dino.)


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