Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Disseminated

I'm being watched.

Sort of.

We're dealing with new servers and such here at work, and the guys keep popping in my cube unannounced to have me look at stuff. So I've gotta be brief today.

We watched too much reality television last night. The kids like that 'Who Gets the Dog' show, where 3 families try to prove that they'll provide the best home for a pup from the Humane Society. And they announce the winner in a park and the two losing families cry and try to be brave for the camera, and the winning family is thrilled and a little smug. The show doesn't make sense to me, unless you're an aspiring actor and want to get your face seen on cable. I mean, if you REALLY want a dog, why wouldn't you go to the pound or the Humane Society and just...you know...GET ONE? As long as you don't come in with an axe and a recipe for "Pooch Tartar", they'll let you have one! Seriously!

Then after the kids went to bed, there was 'Hells Kitchen'. A bunch of folks trying to be professional chefs have to bust ass to prepare food and set tables, and of course there's the requisite cursing and ratting out and sloughing off. Still, I had to watch. They had to learn, last minute, how to cook frogs legs and...I'm shuddering here...pigeon. BLEEACH. Why? Why?!?

I'm thinking as long as the reality tv trend is here, I need to make my OWN show. As long as some network will pay me a ridiculously obscene amount of money. Here are some ideas, just off the top of my head:

1) "We're Wrestling!". A couple tries to have sex while their children burst in and out of their unlocked bedroom. First couple to have a simultaneous orgasm wins.

2) "Office Supply Whoop-Ass". Hungover office drone arrives at work, only to be assailed at the front door by the company gabber, who insists on questioning drone about the status of some project s/he did a year ago. First drone to silence gabber with a stapler and a dull pencil wins.

3) "Mine...MINE!". Ten women on the Atkins diet are locked in a room with 20 screaming toddlers, 4 stray dogs, a kiddie pool full of mud, a kit for building a balsa-wood treehouse, and a table laden with chocolates, pies, freshly baked bread, wine, and ice cream. Last woman to inhale the contents of the table wins.


I have to bust some internet heads now. Oh, I'm supposed to make some desserts for a company function in two days, anyone have a favorite recipe? Something easy and really good? Preferably something that will put the managers to sleep so we don't have to listen to their incessant blah-blah-blahing?

10 Comments:

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Orange said...

Do you have to actually bake the dessert? 'Cause those peanut butter and chocolate bars are wickedly rich and will bloat the managers bellies so that they sleep soundly. E-mail me if you're interested, and I'll track down the recipe. It's basically PB mixed with...maybe powdered sugar, or graham cracker crumbs? I forget. Topped with chocolate—chocolate chips melted with butter or margarine, I think, in the microwave and spread on top of the PB mixture.

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger nikilovely said...

Cool whip, vanilla pudding mix, sour cream, and the berries of your choice. Mix it all together\ and put it in a graham cracker crust. Chill for at least an hour.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Lost said...

What about a trifle?
Buy a pound cake - vanilla.
cut it into cubes and put them in the bottom of a big bowl.
Make some red jello (strawberry, cherry, raspberry whatever). Put it in the fridge to harden or jelly. Put some strawberrys or strawberry jam if you prefer on top of the jello/cake. Doesn't need to be a thick layer. Make some vanilla pudding and put that on top of the strawberries. Put some whipped cream or cool whip on top of that. Decorate the top with a few strawberries and some powdered sugar. Takes a few hours to make and serves alot of people.

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger Avatar said...

Cheap Neapolitan ice cream laced with roofies...?

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger Serra said...

How about the vodka in the watermelon trick?

 
At 5:20 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

I want to hear about that...*hic*

Once I took an Angel Food cake from the grocery store, cut it in half, took off the top, slapped some ice cream in there, slapped the top back on, then frosted the top and stuck chocolate chips to it, then stuck in freezer for a while before serving. Ta-da. Ice cream cake.

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger bitchphd said...

Homemade dessert, whatever. Buy a few pints of fruit and some cream. Put fruit in attractive bowl with spoon, and cream in attractive pitcher. Taa-daa!

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

Can we throw in some attractive rum? Or make attractive sangria with said attractive fruit...?

 
At 9:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sour cream mixed with a little brown sugar. Dip strawberries, melon, pineappe, whatever fruit. Simple but fantastic.

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

You are all fantastic! Thanks for the ideas!

Roofies and vodka...hehhehheh....

 

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