Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Pills A-Poppin'

It's just a little bit of ridiculous, ya know?

I just got back from the company break room. We have a tv in there, always on to news or sports or something, for those folks taking breaks, it's a nice perk. I had to check something on one of the bulletin boards, write down some information, and as I turned to go, this is what I heard:

"dear god in heaven, I just peed my pants...again"

Fuck? What? The?

"Vesicare! For when your overactive bladder just pisses you off."

My subsequent laughter hit 5.4 on the Richter scale. Me and this other guy just stared at the tv with tears in our eyes and our lungs collapsing from the belly laughs.

Fuck, not ANOTHER thing that I have to explain to the kids.

Already we have men with devil horns taking penis-lifting drugs, zaftig women in summer dresses having to wear Depends because their weight-loss medicine gives them "oily discharge", an American cross-section being compared side-by-side with the food that looks the most like them, mysterious feminine sprays, medications that spout relief but we don't know from WHAT, jumping coeds in white pants extolling 'no more accidents!', a pill with 'low risk of sexual side effects' (like what, a penis growing on my hand? what? WHAT?), and a down-and-out faux Pacman dude who can't crawl out from under his black rainy cloud.

Has it really come down to this? Do we need to see these commercials constantly? Really? I don't. I mean, if I want to lose weight or lower my cholesterol or get even hornier (we'd all really be in trouble then), I'll ask my doctor. This is just all so much hoopla from the drug manufacturers, so much eyeball crack, "you NEED this!" sorta crap. So we'll go to our Drs with a symptom and beg, "But Tee-Vee says you need to give me Crap-o-min. I DEMAND it!" Doc says, "Okee-dokey! Here's a scrip!" Pharmacist says, "That'll be $120 please! Not covered by insurance, dude!" And we hand over our credit card and our kids' college funds.

And...and...Canadians are paying 1/4 of what we do for prescriptions...and we're overmedicated.

Can't someone make a pill to make my eyes discharge these commercials, in a not-so-oily way?


At 1:23 PM, Blogger Okapi said...

I'm still shuddering from the idea of "oily discharge".


I love seeing american ads for medications - it's the "may cause hairloss, truncheon toes, nipple misalignment, mysterious anal leakage, do not insert nasally" type of disclaimers - they make me snigger.

At 2:10 PM, Blogger Avatar said...

"Oily discharge"??? o_O

At 7:40 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

I wouldn't mind having a penis in my hand...

At 8:42 PM, Blogger Orange said...

I absolutely LOVE Sad Bean from the Zoloft ads. He's most appealing when under his black cloud of depression and social anxiety, though—you know how chicks dig the tempestuous artist? When Sad Bean takes Happy Pill and is no longer Sad Bean, he ain't gonna get the chicks anymore. He just doesn't have that...special something anymore.

At 11:07 AM, Blogger Rob Helpy-Chalk said...

When Sad Bean takes Happy Pill and is no longer Sad Bean, he ain't gonna get the chicks anymore.

Yes, but he'll be able to accept the fact that he isn't getting laid, because he's on Zoloft.

And is that so bad, really? Better to be happy with what you don't have than unhappy with what you do have.

At 10:39 PM, Blogger Serra said...

Oh. My. Gawds! TOO funny, Mona!


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