Monday, August 22, 2005

Sometimes A Fantasy, Oh Oh Oh Oh

Yeah, you can bust my ass today. Go ahead. Yell at me, I totally deserve it.

After months of telling me to go to my doctor and get a Rx for Topamax or some other migraine medication, and me saying, "Yeah, Yeah, good idea", did I actually do it?

Hell no.

So the aura I got in my eyes half an hour ago? The one that means I'm gonna have a fucking whopper of a migraine? Yeah, that thing? And the nausea that's creeping over me? And the crushing of my head between invisible fingers? My fucking goddamn fault.


I already warned my boss, so he's prepared for me to be pretty useless today (more than usual).

I'm trying to stave off the nausea by fantasizing about Colin Firth. We stumbled across a movie of his I hadn't seen, "Hope Springs", and Sergei watched the whole thing with me...of course it also had Heather Graham in various states of undress. Colin was delicious, OMG, made for fantastic shower masturbation material. Last night we saw a preview for another movie he did, a thriller, "Trauma", which Sergei thought looked a lot like "Jacob's Ladder". Prolly a bad movie, but hey, my mind wouldn't exactly be on the plot if Colin were there in various states of undress and distress!

Know what I've never done? Tried to masturbate away a headache. Hmmm...I have no idea why that thought has never occurred to me. That tension/release blood-flow thing might have a positive effect, I dunno. Anybody found this beneficial?

'Course I'm not sure I want to do it at work.

Think I need to sign off now, rest my head. Somebody kick me.


At 11:56 AM, Blogger annush said...

I saw Hope Springs...that has got to be the worse movie I have ever least you had colin firth but i can't say he does anythign for me.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Yes, the masturbation thing works!! for regular headaches, at least. I know nothing of migraines, but it's worth a try...

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Orange said...

Don't be a self-punishing moron, dear. Go. To. The. Doctor! Compazine works wonders for the migraine-related nausea. Topamax prevents a lot of them from starting in the first place. And the triptans, like Zomig and Imitrex, can abort a migraine that's already started. Plenty of painkillers are available for migraine pain that resists these treatments—my cousin starts with Fioricet (that's the no-big-deal one I took a lot of when I was pregnant), and then there are things like Vicodin or Percocet for really resistant stabbing, throbbing head pain.

Also, people do show up at the emergency room with migraines. They seem to give Reglan rather than compazine for the nausea at the ER.

Seriously. Migraine is a Medical Condition, not just "oh, I have a headache." There are very specific medications targeted at its various aspects. Quit suffering! You don't even have to ride this one out until it runs its course. You could totally go to the ER or call your doctor Right Now. (What the heck are you staying at work for if you're useless? I know, trying not to waste sick days.) And then get a bunch of prescriptions filled for things that will drastically improve your life.

In the meantime, your doctor will be impressed if you start making notes in a "headache diary," so he or she will be able to balance level of migraine with level of medication. Don't forget to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10, and jot down any added joys like visual aura or nausea. Might also pay attention to any identifiable triggers (red wine, stress, certain foods, where you are i your cycle, odors). If you're only getting one migraine every couple months, maybe Topamax isn't something to start out with? Maybe the doc will start you with Fioricet or a triptan? But you Have Got To Do Something, girl.

I hope you heard this as very muted yelling of the most supportive variety. This migraine isn't your fault, but you owe it to yourself to keep its little friends from coming back to attack the blood vessels in your head.

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Orange said...

By the way, is that Billy Joel in your headline today?

At 1:22 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Annush: I'd watch total crap if Colin were in it. Or any of my boyfriends, for that matter. I'm nuthin' if not faithful!

Lisa: Thanks, I'll try it! When I get home, of course, I thought about it a few minutes ago,'t...muffle...screams....

Orange: YOU were the one I wanted to kick my ass! Thanks! You're a veritable treasure-trove of drug-information! Yeah, the migraines are only usually once or twice a month, usually preceeding my period, but this one is different. Maybe not Topamax, but somethin' somethin'. And yes, Billy Joel. Even though he's no longer drinking a bottle of red, a bottle of white, after all those driving-related accidents. Billy Billy Billy....

At 1:31 PM, Blogger SVN, prn said...

Orange was RIGHT ON with the advice. Nice work!! One comment/correction for the pain scale should be 0-10 (0 = no pain and 10 = is the worst you can imagine) for your daily log.

As for the masturbation for relief --try it. Everyone is different. I personally have not had success with it. Actually had the reverse efffect. Masterbation brought on a headache. That one almost got me to the Dr. ASAP!! *gasp* the horror!!

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

svn, prn: My kids pedatrician has a handy chart in every examining room of smiley faces progressing to anguished tear-spouting faces, each with a 1-10 rating. I'll have to get a copy of that for my log!

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Orange said...

There's a new Colin Firth movie coming out this fall. It's possible it includes a threesome scene with a foxy blonde and...Kevin Bacon. Does that ruin it for you? The two men are "entertainers" (whatever that means) and a woman (the foxy blonde?) winds up dead in their hotel room.

At 1:13 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Orange: Oh, I'd TOTALLY do a 3-some with Colin and Kevin! (but not the dead blonde)


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