Don't Let Them Take Away My Tiara

I was reading jo(e)'s blog and she related a lovely get-away she had where she stripped and went skinny-dipping. And I commented that I have never, EVER, done that. Which surprised her.

And me.

'Cause I fancy myself a sort of queen of sex, maven of dirty thoughts, guru of frantic humping over large appliances, admirer of furtive grasps and glances, ready and willing and able to dish out whatever hot animal impulses are whirling about the universe.

But really? I just like sex. A whole hellova lot.

So I thought for today's post, I'd make a list of "Surprising Sexy Things That Mona Has Never Done." Hope this doesn't ruin the image you have in your head of me. (If you have one at all, and if you do, I hope it involves me in a lovely black push-up bra.)

I'm keeping the list to 20. And I'll let your mind wander to what I DIDN'T list and you can surmise what I have done.

I've Never:

1) Been skinny dipping
2) Had sex in a car, or any form of transportation
3) Gone down on someone while in a moving vehicle
4) Been the recipient of oral sex while I was driving
5) Flashed my boobies in public
6) Been either the dom or submissive in S&M play
7) Been peed, pooped, or vomited on during kinky sex, or done the same to anyone else.
8) Licked anyone's toes for sexual pleasure
9) Hung from a trapeze or any other circus-like device for sexual play
10) Had home video taken of me whilst having sex
11) Had phone sex
12) Mooned anyone
13) Squirted breast milk at Sergei when I was in full breast-feeding mode, just to see how he'd react
14) Had two men at once, in both the major 'downstate' orifices. Saw it in a movie once, tho.
15) Paid for sex, or had money given to me for it
16) Masturbated at work
17) Given a guy a 'snowball' (watch the movie 'Clerks' for more details)
18) Had sex with a much older guy
19) Had sex with a much older woman
20) Participated in an orgy

There may be a few other things. Not too much. No violent acts or anything.

I think I'd better get busy, at least as far as the skinny-dipping, mooning, and flashing my breasteses is concerned....