Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Mashin' On Up

1) I stayed up late last night, writing that mystery hotel thing in the post below (damn you Wil Wheaton for twanging my writing obsession). My story was set on a ship. I was pretty happy with it until I went to bed, somewhere around 1 a.m. Then I tossed and turned all night and obsessed about how CRAP that story was, and had feverish dreams that I was on that ship and forced to read my own crappy writing. I woke up about 3 a.m., wide awake, couldn’t go back to sleep. I was hot. I was cold. I was on a ship…GAH…reading my own crappy crap. The alarm went off at 6 a.m. and I sighed, “Finally!”, and got up, feeling very seasick. I’m fighting the urge to delete the story, such crap. I can’t stand to watch myself on video, and I can’t stand to read my own writing. Fack.

2) Some twisted cop in our fair state scared folks far and wide by saying he pulled over a car at 3 a.m., the occupant shot him, then ran away on foot. A manhunt ensued in surrounding neighborhoods. Schools were in lockdown that day. Kids had to be escorted in cars. Streets were cordoned off with yellow police tape. The shooter was never found. Well, guess fuckin’ what? Turns out, yesterday the cop admits he MADE THE WHOLE THING UP. He was ‘tormented’ by a previous police action he’d been part of, and ‘dealing with a divorce’, and he went off his nut and shot his police car AND HIMSELF. And who, you may ask, WHO did he initially say shot him? A young black male. For the last few weeks, every young black male in the entire area has been stopped by police and questioned. I say, Twisted Self-Shooting Cop should first get some psychiatric help. Then he should apologize to everybody (residents, school kids, young black males minding their own business), give them each $100, and allow himself to be strung up like a piñata and have everyone who wants to, take a crack at his tidy whitey ass with his own billy club. Mutha-pus-bucket, this cheeses me off.

3) So Chevy decided to turn to the internets and allow folks like you and me to create the ad for their new gas-sucking Tahoe SUV. Folks like you and me…you know, smart, twisted folks. Folks with opinions. The ads, it turns out, aren’t all in favor of Chevy. Metafilter has links to some of the videos. Unfortunately, some are no longer working. Here are a few that caught my eye:

a) Peak Oil
b) Death Machine
c) Gay
d) Trippy
e) Ung
f) Base

If my head weren’t throbbing so, and The Crimson Permanent Assurance demanding I retreat to the bathroom every 20 bloody minutes, I might even try one myself. Of course, then I’d prolly have nightmares about it and it’s crappy-ness, so maybe not.

4 Comments:

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Maine said...

Those Chevy commercials are killing me to death. Killing me to the death!

Oh, and your cop dude? Tell him and his friends I said thanks for years 16 - 21 of my well-hassled life. Thanks. Really.

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger Jeremiah said...

GADDAMMIT, cop! You know, I spent 9 years in Houston being the young black male the cops were looking for all the time, and even in the times they weren't looking for one. I lost count of how many times a cop questioned me when I was just walking down the damn street. And, of course, there's that Boston killing years ago, and the Susan Smith thing. Dag on! Yeah, maine, I hear you.

Thank goodness, though, that middle-aged, goofy-looking black men never get implicated in crimes or I'd have more hassle-years ahead of me.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Maine and Jeremiah: I will be sending y'all the latest news article I found on the guy. It lists his name. We can google him, find his address, and give him our own brand of "psychiatric help". I'm getting bitchier and less patient as I get older, goddammit....

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger Claire said...

An interesting by-product of Wil & Shane's writing meme is seeing how self-conscious most bloggers are about sharing their creative writing, myself included. I really enjoyed yours. Leave it up.

 

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