The Seven Words You Can’t Say

I was riding the school bus one day, back in the days when I still carried a froofy metal lunchbox, when one of the older kids started jawing to his friends about a George Carlin album he’d just gotten. This kid was really animated and excited, about one cut in particular…”The Seven Things You Can Never Say on Television”. I strained to hear what the words were, but the kid got really quiet and he was older, so I didn’t feel comfortable asking him. (Us lil kids is a-scared of the bigger kids.)

So now I’m a grownup. I say and do whatever I want.

Today while talking to a co-worker about the ineptitude of the marketing folks, the small-brain-ness of the CS Manager, and the general lack of give-a-fuck from the management level, I realized that now I swear a lot.

A.
LOT.

Especially at work.

It’s not even Noon and I have followed in the footsteps of Carlin. I have said EVERY ONE of the seven words you can’t say on television here at work. Several times.

They are:

shitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckertits

(Really, how delicious is that? VERY delish.)

I have kept my voice down, the white noise and Muzak muffles my expletives, and I don’t talk that way in front of managers.

I think I need a new job. Preferably not on television (well, maybe on cable).

Or I need new swear words that sound like I have a mouthful of flowers. Suggestions are welcome!