Triple-Half Gainer

It’s Monday and it’s list time!

1) Went to a family reunion yesterday, got sunburned, drank King of Beers, ate-ate-ate, held a baby, gossiped, planned the parents’ demise and division of property, weathered a spectacular thunderstorm and tornado-like-winds, swam, fished with the kids, and got cussed out by my dad for having tattoos. Pretty typical, actually.

2) I made cookies from my childhood and took them to the reunion, and everyone gobbled them up. They look like nipples. I’m not sure it was the flavour of the cookies so much as we’re all stuck in an oral phase.

3) Found a jar of B vitamins in the medicine chest last night and took one. Today, my pee is yellow. Like a daffodil.

4) I’m going out with relatives tonight and eating Mexican food and drinking possible destabilizing margaritas. That loud noise you’ll hear at 3 a.m. will be me farting and not caring.

5) We’re expecting 100 degrees F today and tomorrow, and I’m just happy I got the a/c fixed in my car. And that there are half a dozen ice cream places near my house. And that I sleep nekked.

6) Such schadenfreude with Lohan and Gibson. HAH. Remind me to become rich and not famous.

7) Last night I thought I was having a heart-attack, and then counted the number of caffeine-laced drinks I'd consumed and thumped my forehead with the heel of my hand, 'cause I'm apparently an idiot. NO caffeine, thanks, I'm skittish.