Thursday, February 16, 2006

The First Kiss (Hot Girl Action Version)

It wasn’t like I’d never kissed a girl before.

I mean, I went to college. And all women become raving lesbians at some point in that baseless, crass liberal atmosphere, right? Nights full of naked pajama parties and rampant orgies, oh the sinful flesh and unsubstantiated reports of girl-on-girl-action in the study lounges….


Maybe not.



After my college life, much later, I met up with some awesome folks who liked to frequent the local college bars to listen to the local bands, the ‘break-out’ bands, the bands who were on their way to cutting their first cd and were touring and we were first on the mailing list and they knew our names and we were ever so proud of them! We’d dance and drink and get to know the drummer and the lead singer and the sax guy and the bass player, and they’d sign our backsides with Sharpies and invite us to parties.

Good times, good times.

There were usually three of us.


We’d meet every Thursday night at Planetary Bar to rock out to our favorite band, the most awesomest awesome funk band ever, Must Be Jelly (all names have been changed to protect the guilty). We were young, and cute, and knew how to handle our likker.

Then I started dating Sergei.

I brought him along to Planetary Bar, and he got to know Suzie and John pretty well, we’d all four hang out and dance and drink. It was a nice little thing. Suzie and John never dated, and I never dated John, it was a sort of unspoken rule of ‘let’s be friends’, and it worked.

One hot summer evening, we closed down Planetary Bar, waved ‘goodbye’ to Must Be Jelly, and finished our beers, leaning on the pool table near the front window. John and I were jawing about something or other, probably music (knowing us), and Suzie and Sergei were chatting on the other end of the pool table.

What I found out later was, at this point, Suzie turned to Sergei and asked, “If there’s something I’ve always wanted to do, should I do it?”

Sergei said, “Sure.”

John and I were talking, talking, talking, and the next thing I knew….

Amillionbillionjillionthingshappenedatonce. Milliseconds of images I didn’t comprehend at first.

Suzie pushing John to the side.
Suzie standing in front of me.
Suzie grabbing my face.
Suzie kissing me FRENCH.

In times of great confusion, the mind takes the base “flight or fight” response. Either you run away, or you get down in it.

My first response was to push Suzie away.


Then I thought….

What’s the worse that can happen?
Suzie’s my friend.
What if I go with this?
I’ll bet the guys would like it.
Does SHE like it?
Would I like it?

All thoughts converging on a single point in front of me.

I kissed her back.
I Frenched her back.

I would be lying if I said I hated it.
I didn’t LOVE it, but…you know.

Man, we were IN. IT.

Oh yeah, it was like girl-on-girl-porn, (just the kissing part, folks), and I suddenly realized…


Because everyone was

That, in itself, was the biggest turn-on.
Because, apparently, I am a closet exhibitionist.

We kept on going, and I fought like hell to not giggle, ‘cause really, it was sort of damn funny. Soft and sweet, and smelled good, too.

The people that had stepped outside the bar were watching us through the front windows because they started POUNDING on them, and hootin’ and hollerin’, “Yeah baby, go! Go!”

Seriously big turn-on.

At some point, and granted, this all seemed to take for-frickin’-ever, and was probably only a minute or so, I knew it was time to stop it. I pulled my head away from hers, and smiled, and gave her a quick little peck. Suzie…well, Suzie looked pretty turned on, and a little smug, and (my fellow closet exhibitionist) a little bit turned on from the crowd’s reaction.

We turned around to look at John and Sergei…and they were, well…

…you guys know…it’s the standard male fantasy…

…the guys were pitching tents. Big-top circus tents, and their eyes were glazed and a bit watery, and it took them a minute to recover.

Suzie and I walked over to the guys, and I asked Sergei, “Are you alright? Was that okay?”


Yes. More than okay.

John left a few minutes later, no doubt to go home and spank the pony.

Suzie and Sergei and I tossed around the idea of the three of us going back to ‘my place’, but that would have just been…weird…somehow, and we said goodbye to Suzie in the parking lot.

Sergei and I went home to mad wet monkey humpin’.

Suzie and I never locked lips after that. We stayed close for a while, then she moved to the East Coast, and we lost touch. We still both talk to John, though, and it turns out that all of us got married and have or are having kids, and living a somewhat normal life.

Planetary Bar closed its doors a few years ago.
Must Be Jelly broke up.

We can never re-create that night, not really.


If you come visit Sergei and me, and we go dancing and drinkin’, and there’s good juju between you girls and me…

…who knows?


At 10:24 AM, Blogger jo(e) said...

Hey, when I left my comment yesterday, I honestly did not know this was the post you were writing today.

So who does kiss better? You or Sergei? I know who I would put my money on ....

At 10:49 AM, Blogger gypsy said...

That's hot, Mona. I think I'll go make out with Lulu later. Oh yeah.

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

jo(e): I wanted to post this yesterday but didn't have time to write it. You must have read my mind!

Gypsy: Love the one you're with, baby!

At 11:48 AM, Blogger Orange said...

Naughty girl!

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Marcheline said...

To quote Napoleon Bonaparte.... "LuckEEEEEEE!"

I went to college (two, actually) and completely missed out on that phase.

I also completely failed at my one attempt to kiss a hot looking girl.

- M

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Orange: I prefer "good" girl. Because I AM GOOOOOOOOD. ;-)

Marcheline: Is that Napoleon Dynamite's smaller brother? And you know, you still have time to kiss a hot girl, 'cause, hey, you're pretty hot yerself!

At 12:58 PM, Blogger pinky pinkerson said...

My college roommate's terrible band (as well as my college boyfriend's terrible band) used to play at the Planetary Bar every week. I feel kind of sad to know that it's closed.

I know that I make lots of comments like this, but I can't resist ;-)

At 5:56 PM, Blogger Rob said...

Mona, coincidentally I have come to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body -- so kissing me would be essentially the same as kissing another girl, but it would seem to you like you were kissing a guy! How cool is THAT?! ;-)

At 9:35 PM, Blogger Used Hack said...

I watched my wife kiss another woman once and I could have pulled up a chair and watched that all day. It was very, very good.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Pinky: I'll betcha I saw BOTH terrible bands! ;-)

Rob: I can't get a good visual on you, man, you're so cryptic, with no blog and all. How do I even know you're a man? How do I know you're not my sister? (And no, I have never kissed my sister...*that way*...)

Hack: I think it was that kiss with Suzie that prompted Sergei to marry me. naughty girls is definitely wife materials....


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