Monday, February 27, 2006

The Skin They're In

I'm watching the Discovery Health Channel, which has GOT to be the biggest schadenfreude EVAH.

I was just contemplating going downstairs for a nice bowl of sugar-free jello when this show came on about a 750-pound man...SEVEN. HUNDRED. FIFTY. POUNDS. How exactly does a person get to be that big? I mean, how many boxes of mac and cheese do you have to down each and every day to get that ginormous? Oh, the horror, I mean, bedsores and mangy skin, he couldn't even put a shirt on (yeah, so we saw him NAKED...I threw up in my mouth a little bit). He had to have some sort of glandular problem. HAD to. Part of me was bitching him out for letting his eating get way outta hand, and part of me was a little bit sorry for him...you get that big, you can't exactly work out, I mean, you'd break the stairmaster, and where would you find yoga pants THAT big? Poor guy died at the end of the show, septic shock. Makes that leftover Valentines Day chocolate in the kitchen seem not so appealing anymore.

Then this bodacious woman came on with enhanced 38F cups. F! I sincerely didn't know they came that big. She has to sleep sitting up 'cause they hurt so much, and they look like bowling balls. I swear, if I EVER think I need breast augmentation surgery, slap me really hard, m'kay? I'd much rather sag than look like I'm hiding a pair of cantaloupes under my shirt.

EW! They just removed her implants...one is 10 pounds..the other is TWELVE! That's just wrong. That's a huge sack of potatoes on EACH side of her body, and how the hell did her skin keep that in? Gah.

(I just hefted my breasteses under the samurai t-shirt I'm wearing, with no bra after my shower, and y'know, they're not boom-chicka-boom, but they're real...and they're soft...and they're fantastic.)

Fack that, I'm going for the jello.

6 Comments:

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Lessa said...

heh. unfortunately, I know first hand that boobage does come that big - and naturally to some, like me. I'm bigger then that,completly au natural sagging and back problem inducing heaviness. I'd go for a reduction if I could afford it, myself. Skin is amazingly stretchy stuff. heh.

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger Orange said...

Lessa, doesn't health insurance sometimes pay for a reduction if jumbo boobs are causing back problems?

Mona, don't you love hefting your breasteses? There's just something about hefting...

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger Orange said...

But wait. How much did the 750-pound man's manboobs weigh?

 
At 12:59 AM, Blogger Lessa said...

Orange - yes, I think they do, but that would depend on if one has health insurance, which I don't. Can't afford it, and only the kids qualify for the state medical program, so. yeah. You get used to the back pain, sorta. It just becomes a way of life.

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger Mom of Three said...

I can relate with the big-boobs thing. Can't run. Can't jog. Can't do DDR without two sports bras. It sucks. I am nursing baby #3, who is the last one, and as soon as I don't have to lift him anymore, I am getting a reduction. I can't take many more years of pinched neck nerves from heavy bra straps.

As for the large lad? Bart Simpson summed it up best when he said, "I'm so big I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

 
At 8:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

They do come that big. I am that big. And I am not enhanced. 36F/G to be precise.

I am also a software developer. My challenge is finding a shirt that looks professional but still fits at the shoulders and waist.

-wookie

 

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