Thursday, April 06, 2006

Swapping Spit, and Other Stories

1) I’ve pretty much told Local University that they can do whatever they’d like with my body. I’m now participating in a study of moms and stress for the medical department. I recently had a one-hour phone interview about my life and my stresses (including such favorite questions as, “Have you ever seen anyone get shot or stabbed?”, and “On a scale of one to five, how often are you beaten or abused by your partner…if 1 is Never and 5 is OhMyGodCallThePoliceMyEyeball’sMissing?” This morning I started Phase II of the study. They want my spit. Spit. Saliva. Sputum. 3 times each morning, and 2 times each evening, for the next three days, I have to stick a cotton wad the size of a super-plus tampon under my tongue, hold it there for three minutes, and put the soggy thing in a special test tube, labeled with lab code, and record the time in a journal (along with other “daily stresses”). The spit stays in my freezer. Next to the ice cream (which I will probably throw out just because of the grossness factor. Or maybe not.) The thing that freaks me out is, the cotton wads are in this special jar that has a mini computer in the lid, which keeps track of every time I open the thing. The labrats will download that data and check it against my journal entries to make sure I’m not lying. That creeps me out. Big Brother is monitoring my spit.

2) Good friend/co-worker Tom turned in his two weeks yesterday. He’s an amazing guy, he picks up new computer languages like *that*, always friendly, willing to sit with the users to find out how he can best serve them, he’s quick, he’s helpful, goes above and beyond. We’re totally fucked. We could use a good dotnet programmer, if y’all know any. (And please, for my sake, can they be male and really sexy?)

3) I just walked by Tom’s cube, and he has two frosted cherry Poptarts just sittin’ there, unattended. Methinks I should have one for my breakfast, yeah, that would show him….

4) HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, boy, this gives me such faith in Homeland Security! You know, if you're the Press Secretary, you should know about media...all sorts of media...and how information is disseminated. You should know that if you're sick enough to hook up with a 14-year old girl online, that we will find out about it. And your life will be over, ya pedophilic bastard.

5) Oh crap. Well, I guess this will kill my Diet Squirt habit.

6) Tomorrow I have the day off work. The kids are on spring break this week and this is my ONE day to ‘do nothing’. HAH! Yeah, right. I already have a list started of half a dozen places I need to drag them to. Girl-child is INSISTING we have an ice cream party, though, and who am I to argue with that??


At 2:43 PM, Blogger Cynical Girl said...

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Cynical Girl: I love you! Rollins RAWKS!

At 4:59 PM, Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

Yum, cherry pop tarts!

At 10:46 PM, Blogger Used Hack said...

I can't think of anything to write, but I wanted to drop by and tell you my project is almost finished. I'll be writing again soon.

The whole idea of frozen spit bothers me and my OCD. :)


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