This is my United States of Whatever

1) I love my new washer. I’m not bragging or anything, I mean puh-leeze…but I do love it so. It’s quiet, and it doesn’t shake uncontrollably during the spin cycle, and when it shuts off, it shuts off NOW, not like the old one that spunandspunandspun for several minutes and would have cut off my hand had I been able to pry that damn lid open. And it has that new-washer smell…ahhh…metal and rubber and sweet sweet plastic. (I. Am. Pathetic. Thanks for noticing.)

2) I got into work a little after 6 a.m. this morning, only two other folks in the building, most of the lights were off. I walked around the building getting ‘stuff’ and realized how cool this place is when it’s dark and a bit scary. I felt like (insert name of famous explorer here). Y’know?

3) Steve Martin. Sigh. A friend recommended several years ago that I read “Shopgirl”, and I loved it. Several days ago I rented the film version of it, and thought it was lovely. The whole thing. Except the voice-overs, which were really unnecessary. Steve, I would like to buy you dinner sometime.

4) Have you seen Felicity Huffman as a male-to-female transsexual? An enjoyable film. She sported a prosthetic dick, for dick’s sake, and pretend-peed through it. I’ve always wanted to know what that’s like. Guys, what’s that like?

5) Driving to work this morning, noticed that one of the restaurants in town has ‘Grinders’ featured on the sign out front. Now around here, we say ‘subs’. I’ve heard them called hoagies, grinders, po’boys, and torpedoes. I get the verbage for torpedoes and subs (the shape, natch), and po’boy for the Dagwood-ness of the ‘kitchen sink’ approach. But hoagies? Grinders? Where did these names come from? What do you call these things, anyway?

6) Dane, Dane, Dane. What are you thinking? Bad dog, bad!

7) Ann Coulter as missile defense system.

8) HAH! Yeah, I’m sure you’ll use this excuse: “I have my photo taken with LOTS of my constituents, it doesn’t mean I took MONEY from them!” Or does it. Bob?

9) Saw a trailer for this movie last night, and all I can say is damn. Daaaaaaay-yum. Johnny Depp looking into the camera saying, “Ladies, I am up for it, all the time.” Daaaaaay-yum. Yes. Oh yes.