Bitchin'...Bitch In.

The girl-child got my goat this morning, refusing to get to the bathroom or get dressed or do anything besides screaming like a cage racoon, "NOOOOO". She pushed me away when I tried to have the 'use your words' talk, and screamed when I left and screamed when I didn't. I hate mornings like that. I had to call Sergei in to deal with girl-child because "I can't deal with this anymore!" (in my bitchy mean-mom voice). So, of course, true to form and because she's daddy's girl, Sergei went into her room, she stopped thrashing and stomping, and gave him a big hug. Sigh. Yeah. Okay. So I'm the hard-ass bitch.

Meanwhile, boy-child dressed and washed and was a perfect gentleman, and did I thank him for making that part of my morning easier?

No.

Because I'm a bitch.

At least I felt like it. I usually do thank him, and he knows I appreciate it, we've had many talks about how sometimes his sister needs a little more attention and he's such a good kid that I can now depend on him. And I did give him a special hug this morning when I was pouring his cereal. That hug we usually share when he knows I need it. He knows. But I still feel like Wicked Witch of Every Direction.

And then there's work. Mutiny, people! I'm the only girl in an IT Department of 9. I love the guys, I really, truly do, we've worked together a long time and they sort of watch out for me. And I'm the first to defend them. Now, we're all tech-geeks. And two of the guys are tech-geeks that I don't care to hang out with much, 'cause there's something crazy behind their eyes. Nothing outward, mind you, just a little overkill, too eager, too naive. And they talk for no reason about fucking nothing. And they don't get our jokes.

But the other guys I love. Well, one of the guys got a job offer in Texas and will be leaving in 3 weeks. Another guy had an interview yesterday for a place about an hour from here. And yet another guy is depressed because he's in a loveless marriage and she's pretty much castrated him with her high-maintenance life (if he were an animal, he'd be one of those bulls they ride at the rodeo, with his balls tied up in big rubber bands, eternally pissed). And the rest of us are now throwing up our hands and saying, "Now What???" Because the team is breaking up. The spark isn't there. Granted, this is due in large part to the management and marketing aspects of the company, who obviously got their degrees from the back of a cereal box, and who don't realize that you need to reward the employees and NOT buy another software package for $10 Grand that doesn't integrate with our systems.

FUCK.

It's all I can do to keep positive today.

I know the girl-child will be happy when I pick her up from preschool. I know the boy-child will be sweet. And Sergei will be the rock I moor my boat to.

But if I lose the work guys, I'm proper fucked. I'm sure even flashing my boobies at them (again) won't convince them to stay. And I'm even wearing a killer bra today....

Gah.