Monday, May 02, 2005

Got My Mojo Woi-kin'

'S one-a those days when I'm behind before I start. I sent my beloved Sergei a list of what's going on this week, and it's a ka-doozy. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not. There's a feeling of accomplishment when I get through weeks like this, but it's bloody exhausting. Grrrch.

So now to the news:

1) You'll notice, gentle readers, that I finally got off my lazy ass and added links (see right), and so sorry for me being such a doofus, and thanks for your patience. I may have missed some...I prolly did...I'll catch them as you kick my ass and tell me. Please, tell me. I have cotton balls for brains today, it seems.

2) I also added a new blog and link to the right. Cherry Stem Knots. (Hands up, all those who can do this? In your mouth, not using your hands? Anyone?) Not much there right now, but it's earmarked for writing stuff I discovered under my panties this weekend. I bought new panties, was throwing out the hole-i-est old ones, and found some stuff I think I want to put a beat-down on. Work on 'em, see if they come up to something. So they will morph before your very eyes! Some will suck! Some will not! Witness the angst of writers block and manic editing! Gasp in horror as the past conquests of Mona Buonanotte become public! I'll also use that site for some ideas I have on, er, um, sexual topics that I want to isolate. So there's at least a 'heads-up'.

3) Dental insurance sucks. I just wanna say that before I have to justify my recent root canal/infection story to MetLife so they pay their fair share. C'mon, really, my face is swelled up like that guy in 'Mask', like John Merrick, like that bug-bite guy on the commercial I saw this weekend. And you DON'T think I need a second opinion when my regular dentist says, "Oh, THAT'S normal." Ya don't think so? Bitch? Yeah. Thought so.

4) I'm starting Atkins again today. I lost a hellova lotta weight on it a few years ago. Hellova. And I won't tell you how much because the phrase 'Big Fat Cow' will not leave your head when you come to my blog. I'm not kidding. Suffice it to say, though, that my body is perfectly suited to Atkins. My previously-gestational-diabetic metabolism whacks out when carbs enter the picture. So I've let myself whack out this last year or so and now I'm feeling like a sumo. Without the cool diaper-thing or braid.

5) Made a HUGE discovery about my body last week. I'd had a lovely salad for lunch, veggies and meat and cheese, and I was STUFFED. Really stuffed. Then a co-worker came around with leftover box lunches from an onsite manager meeting. Ham sand, chips, potato salad, cookie. I only wanted half a cookie. So my friend, Jim, said he'd split the box lunch with me, I'd get half the cookie. Which was all I really wanted. Then Jim co-erced me (okay, it didn't take much) to take half the ham sand. Lovely, greasy ham...mmmm.... I was just gonna take the ham off and eat that, ya see. But first I ate the half a cookie. To top off my belly fulla salad. And then the most amazing thing happened. As soon as I finished that last bite of cookie...VOILA!! I wasn't full at all. Not at ALL. And I scarfed down that entire half ham sand, not just the ham, but the bread and veggies and I licked the crumbs off my plate. And I was terribly hungry again.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Sugar turns off my 'Full' reflex. FUCK!!! And FUCK!!! again!

6) I can no longer eat sugar, it seems. I'm cryin' inside, people, just bawling.

7) All I can think of is dark chocolate M&Ms. (sniff)

8) Talking myself into meat! glorious meat! cheese! eggs! pork rinds! sugar free jello! whipped cream! salad! broccoli! tuna! yes! Who needs chocolate? NOT ME! No sirree bob, not me! I'm great! I'm fantastic! I'm...I'm...$#*(@$*@#&@&!!!


At 2:11 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

atkins rocks. i lost the last ten pounds of my "2 years at the gym with no dieting" weight loss effort, with atkins. and, like you, i've taken the past year and shoved every carb i could find into myself (mostly via the mouth...) and have now gained back twice what i lost with it. i, too, am carb sensitive, with 98% of my forbears having either type II or juvenile diabetes or hypoglycemia....faaack. I may just join you.

At 7:35 AM, Blogger Rose said...

Carb sensitivity sucks ass, and I'm sure I have it. I'm mildly hypoglycemic and the last time I tried Atkins, I thought I was going to die a slow and painful death. All the more reason for me to try it again, probably.

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Orange said...

First off, hey! Thanks for putting me on your blogroll. I am honored.

Second, what about South Beach? Isn't it supposed to be healthier than Atkins or something?

Third, do dark chocolate M&Ms actually exist?!? Everything is better dark. Well, at least chocolate is.

At 8:14 PM, Blogger Marcheline said...

Okay, let's start with this: Thanks for the blogroll mention. You rock.

Regarding the Atkins diet... I lost three sizes before my wedding thanks to ole Mr. A. However, I also gained it all back plus once I stopped, and my heart was doing all sorts of weird shit that they had to put me on a heart monitor for - it was like panic attacks, only just my heart and not the rest of me. I'm convinced it was a result of the Atkins diet.

Basically, an extreme diet will do things to your body in a short period of time. But nobody can live a healthy life on an extreme diet. So you have to choose:

1.Keep yo-yo-ing up and down the scale with fad diets.
2.Say screw it, my body is what it is, like me or fuck off.
3.Eat healthy foods and some of what you crave, but control the quantity and exercise your ass off. Literally.

I have done all three of these, and am currently sticking with #3 because it works better for me in the long run. It takes a little longer to show results, but hell, what's the rush?

Good luck with whatever you do!

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

love your advice, marcheline...

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Dark chocolate M&Ms! I saw them in the store, but couldn't get too close or else they'da jumped in my cart by themselves. Dark rocks!

Marcheline, damn! Heart palps! That truly sucks! I hope you're better! I know that Atkins was good for me, but not for everyone. Coupla friends at work tried it and didn't lose anything but their wills to live. The first two weeks of Atkins is like detox with no methodone, then incorporating 'good' carbs is kind of a crapshoot. When I did it before, I added a few nuts, and beans, and really grainy bread, and gradually got into a more healthy diet, but then those damn custard doughnuts thought they qualified as both a grain AND dairy group, and then...shoosh!...the slippery slope.

I will french-kiss the scientist who discovers 'negative calories'. Then...mmm...dark chocolate M&Ms!!


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