Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Mr. Clean: Dreamboat

I’m crushin’ on da bald men.

Is there some sort of conspiracy going on? I mean, did some letter go out to men in the 18-35 age range saying, “Shave yer head, chicks dig it!”

‘Cause they did.

And I do.

I can’t drive through campus nowadays without seeing at least half a dozen man-boys with shaved heads, awesome thighs, and broad shoulders. And yes, while the legs and shoulders are enough to send me skidding onto the sidewalk, it’s the look of their shaved pate, their bald bean, that gets my lil’ girly parts all quivering.

Sergei shaved his head once. He had finished the run of some play he was acting in, and just buzzed everything off. I came home to find Kojak in my bedroom, sans lollipop, and he made sure I felt his head from every angle, with every body part. Yum-oh.

Ladies, have you ever run your hands over a man’s clean cranium? It’s really amazing. First of all, you get to see every nook and cranny (or is that crook and nanny?) on the head, which itself is mind-blowing, ‘cause who knew there were so many dents in a skull? Then there’s something about the head and the face being so…connected. Generally the hair is a separate entity, we run our fingers through it, or grab it during hot sex. But with no hair, the head becomes an extension of the face, so if you kiss the face, you naturally just work up to the head, and there’s SO MUCH of it to work with, it’s just…oh…uh…I think I’m having a wee bit of an orgasm just thinking about it.

When Sergei and I got married, some long-time friends of the family made the trek out to Michigan from upstate New York. I hadn’t seen them since I was in junior high. When they got to the gardens where the wedding was, the husband of the couple had shaved his head. And he was wearing a large gold hoop earring. I remember sort of squealing and running to hug him and rub his head, which he joyfully let me do. (For the entire day, everyone called him “Mr. Clean”, and he ate it up!) His story was that a good friend of his was going thru chemo, and in a show of support, he shaved his head, and would keep it that way as long as his friend was sick. Which was such a selfless gesture that I got all teary. And rubbed his head again.

Male swimmers with bald heads…
Men with receding hairlines who stop the madness...
Long-haired guys tired of the brushing, brushing...
I like it bare.

Men. Don’t be afraid to shave that head of yours. Some of you (Bear, QWMaine) already have.

And some of us girls like it.


At 12:09 PM, Blogger jo(e) said...

I've always gone for the long hair -- especially if it is kind of unruly. But the story about the friend who shaved his head to be in solidarity with the friend in chemo is really touching. Men like that turn me on no matter what kind of hair they do or don't have.

At 12:32 PM, Blogger No_Newz said...

I hear that the less hair a man has, the more head he gets. ;)
Lois Lane

At 2:13 PM, Blogger annush said...

hmmm...i can't say that I agree. for me, hair (only on the head!) is extremely sexy. I can't date a man with ugly/bad hair.

At 2:57 PM, Blogger Used Hack said...

I did the whole bald head thing for a while. I loved it, but I grew tired of explaining why I shaved my head all the time.

Being a white guy with a bald head conjurs up racial stereotypes too, which is not a good thing if you hate everything about racists.

So, I grew my hair back. Less hassles.

At 3:47 PM, Blogger Orange said...

I love men with thick, wavy hair. I don't ever want to see my husband bald—way too many knobby bumps on his skull, so I just don't think it would be a good look.

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Serra said...

My brother shaved his head for awhile--it just didn't work for him. Too much "dildo with ears" and not so much "oooh, bald and sexy." But I'm his sister, so what do I know?

BTW, you know that thingy you suck at remembering? It's happening again.

At 10:37 PM, Blogger Ms. Sheila Whotiger said...

My hubby has a full head, I love it. But the year the Packers lost to the Broncos we bet another couple we would shave our heads, and we did. Who thought the Packers would lose. I had shaven before, but never bicked, and never will. I think we looked cute, and I know I thought he looked sexy.


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