Cake Is Just An Excuse For Frosting

Victoria’s Secret sent me two gift certificates a few weeks ago:
One for free panties
One for $10 off any purchase for the month of October, as a birthday present to myself

Here’s the thing…I don’t usually wear lingerie, as such.

I wear bra and panties during the day, and sometimes even a slip if I absolutely must. But the whole teddy thing? The whole camisole and matching thong thing? The bustier and garter thing? Uh. No. Not anymore.

It’s more a matter of convenience. I sleep naked, except for when the Crimson Permanent Assurance sails for a week or so. If I went to bed wearing a teddy, for example, it’d stay on me for all of, oh, 12.5 seconds before Sergei ripped it off to ravage me. I can’t very well prance around the house in a merry-widow and fishnet stockings, either, ‘cause I’m pretty sure it would burn the eyes out of my children and cause a lifetime of therapy bills. And most thongs, sorry, butt-floss doesn’t sit well with me.

A few years ago when I lost the post-post-post-pregnancy weight, I sorted through all my clothes and donated the ‘fat line’ to charity. I also (gasp!) donated most of my delicate lacy underthings. While I kept a few key pieces (garters, stockings, a few corset/teddy things), the rest just went away, the spoils of being a married mother of two, and I have yet to pull out any of the lingerie I did save. I don’t think Sergei would mind if I did jump him whilst wearing that fetching black thing in the back of my closet (as long as I don’t try it when there’s a football game on), but it wouldn’t make the sex any better, and you have to hand-wash that stuff anyway to get the stains out, so it’s really more of a bother.

However. I will still go to Victoria’s Secret for the panties, something silky. And maybe they have a nice strappy top I can wear under a dress jacket, or some nice lotion, or maybe a feather boa. If only they had some lovely chocolates….

And then there’s cake.

I have to make cupcakes for both kids’ school Halloween parties next Monday, and after spending several evenings looking at recipes and decorating ideas, I realized that by and large, I don’t like cakes. They’re too full of air. They don’t give you that long-lasting ‘bang!’ of flavour, it’s more like a quick “ooh!” and then it’s done. You have to eat three or four cupcakes just to feel like you’ve eaten something substantial. And let’s not fool ourselves, we’re really only in it for the frosting, that lovely, sickly-sweet frosting.

The only exception to the cake rule are cakes that aren’t cakes. Like dump cake. Or fruitcake. Or my mom’s homemade oatmeal cake, which is heavier than my car, but absolutely delish.

I may skip ‘school party’ tradition and make brownies in cupcake liners and put frosting on them. And plastic spiders. The kids are only in it for the toys anyway, and that makes more frosting for me!