Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Deejay Flipper Jesus

1. Deejay:
Morning radio is for shit. (I love starting my day by swearing.) I rarely turn on my car radio anymore, but this morning, after dropping the two lov-er-ly kids off at school, I decided to wake up to some screamin' jams.

Where the hell are the screamin' jams????

Apparently every radio station in Michigan thinks I *want* to hear some male/female duo chattering inanely about the stupid things in today's paper and wondering aloud to the listening audience what kind of underwear the other is wearing.

I! Don't! Care!

The music? Oh, the music. The 2 stations that had music on were a) pseudo-country crap, and 2) repetitive alt-college-rock that I wouldn't listen to even if they had a cool video online.

I s'pose I could spring for XM radio for my car, which would effectively double the value of my auto-mo-bile, but I just don't care that much.

Instead, I popped in my Stevie Ray Vaughan cassette and felt much better, thank you.

2. Flipper:
I had to stop at the lab this morning and get my blood drawn. (I have the coolest-sounding disease EVER..."Hashimoto's Thyroiditis"...I sound like a Japanese monster movie monster! "Oh no! The dreaded Hashimoto's Thyroiditis has awoken from her slumber at the bottom of the ocean! Gamera! Help!")

Where was I?

Oh, the lab. I pulled up in a parking space, right next to a BMW. Which I think to be a sort of ritzy kinda car. I got out and my eyes *happened* to glance inside the Beemer and saw a trashy novel, a soft drink cup, and...uh...a pair of flippers. FLIPPERS. The kind you wear to go snorkeling. Brown flippers. With no other swim gear of any kind. Wha.??? This is MICHIGAN. In almost-December. It's supposed to snow later this morning. Flippers? The lab is located in the same building as a sports club, but I don’t believe they allow flippers in the pool, Cletus.

3. Jesus:
Usually an older lady draws my blood at the lab (this is done every month or two, and in some later post I'll tell you all about the wonderful thyroid of mine that *isn't*). Today, though, there was a youngish man of Hispanic descent there, listing to Frank Sinatra. While he took my lab slip and my insurance card, I happened to look at his name badge. Well, the badge found ME, actually, because it screamed: JESUS.

Jesus! I wanted to say, "Hey, Jesus!", but I'm sure he would have corrected me with the proper "Hay-soos". But Jesus and I had a very animated conversation, while he was drawing my blood, about Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Marvin Gaye, and what the kids nowadays are listening to (stuff about butts, according to Jesus). Somehow, even in my heathenistic lifestyle, I felt better knowing that a Big-Band-lovin', hip Hispanic guy named Jesus was sticking that needle in me.


At 10:39 AM, Blogger Orange said...

"Mothra Versus Hashimoto's Thyroiditis" was awesome, though the special effects were a little cheesy.

You've got a great typo in the penultimate paragraph that's got me picturing Jesus leaning to one side, ready to topple over, under the influence of Ol' Blue Eyes. I love the word "listing," especially when I'm tipsy and prone to listing.

At 10:57 AM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Orange: It ain't a monster movie if the spfx aren't cheesy! And he *was* listing, just a bit, 'cause you can't stand up straight when Ol' Blue Eyes is singin'!

At 11:07 AM, Blogger jo(e) said...

It's well known that suave men leave a pair of flippers in their car because it makes for all kinds of great pick-up lines.

"Hey, baby, I am just flippin' over the sound of your sweet voice ...."

Okay, maybe suave is not the right word.

At 12:24 PM, Blogger Serra said...

"Hashimoto's Thyroiditis" sounds like a name for a band that plays the music you and Jeebus were talking about.

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Teri said...

Morning radio is Wisconsin sucks ass too. You're not alone. My car is well-stocked with CDs. There's always NPR or Wisc. Public Radio if I really want to listen to people talking. That's at least intelligent conversation.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Elliot said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:00 PM, Blogger Elliot said...

Morning, afternoon, and night radio manages to suck. I've abandoned the beast, myself (Radios Suckenormous, to keep with the monster theme, somewhat). When I was in Vegas, though, over the holidays, I latched onto a classic rock station that was the equivalent of your Stevie tape and I rejoiced and superglued the damn tuning button.

Otherwise, @ home, I'm plugging in my iPod or my mix CDs when I'm on the road.

And, another thing, why don't we English native speakers name our kids Jesus? Too presumptuous? We dance around dietical names (if dietical is actually a word) with "Elijah" and "Elliot" (oh yeah!), but no Jesus's. Jesus. Somebody's gotta do it. Come on!

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Thomas said...

Perhaps the driver of the Beemer is still dispondent about his parents decision to have his webbed toes altered to look normal. He probably runs an advocacy group called W.I.S.H.: Webbing Isn't Something Horrible.

Damn him for thrusting evolution in our faces. West Michigan hasn't seen a crisis like that since they finally got that Jenkins kid's tail lopped off.

At 7:01 PM, Blogger No_Newz said...

I'm so glad you found Jesus. ;)
I hope the docs get to the bottom of this non working thyroid thingy and you are in tiptop shape soon.
Lois Lane

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Elliot said...

I spelled "deitical" wrongishly. If it was a word made from deity, that is.

At 8:15 PM, Blogger SVN, prn said...

Ohhh I loved today's post all my favorites in one place ... interesting medical terms, music and cool people....

Can't wait to hear about your thyroid issues we get to that subject next week in lecture theory. Can you tell me/us bfore then so I can go to the head of the class?


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