I Got the Will to Drive Myself Sleepless
My insomnia manifests itself right after the will to sleep springs on me, like a cat uninvited, digs its claws into me for a brief shining moment, and then scurries away to some hidden room, scarcely to be found. Insomnia then enters the room ghost-like, curls its tail around my leg, and purrs, “Hey, I’ll stay up with you for a while….”
And I always let the bugger stay.
Two nights this week, two school nights/two work nights, I’ve stayed up til 1:30 a.m., or 2 a.m., I dunno, I stopped checking the clock after a while. And then the alarms would start to go off at 6 a.m.
I’m decaffeinated. But I get through the days as normal.
Granted, I could have moseyed off to bed at some graciously gentle hour, oh, say, 11 p.m. But that only leaves me maybe one hour between rushrush kids and rushrush dinner and rushrush bathandbed and cleanthehouse and dothelaundry and paythebills to do ANYTHING for Mona.
I have
books to read
movies to watch
plans to make
fantasy boyfriends to lust over
feet to stretch
sheer quiet to enjoy
Why the hell should I sleep?
I really go to bed only to be near Sergei's warm body.
I strapped my mp3 player on here at work and called up Soul Coughing just now to hear these lyrics. Most fitting today. Have a good weekend, y’all!
Sleepless
(M. Doughty)
I got the will to drive myself sleepless.
So much time is cashed.
So much smoke is wasted.
Sudden disappearance
In the air is thick and cool.
I can't approach myself
Skidding over this perdition
And now I'm out on the verandah
When I should have gone to school.
Well I call for sleep,
But sleep it won't come to me.
Shuffling in the hallway,
I can hear him on the stairs.
I hear his lighter flicking.
I hear the soft sigh of his inhale.
And the whole width of my intentions
He exhales into the air.
I got the will to drive myself sleepless.
Skeedunt, stunt the runt,
Smoking buddha blunt.
I got the will to drive myself sleepless.
posted by Mona Buonanotte @ 9:23 AM
7 comments
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7 Comments:
I can sympathize with the whole insomnia thing... I remember when I used to be able to actually function well on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. NO MORE! Maybe you can get some cat naps in this weekend!
From one insomniac to another, you have my sympathy...I haven't been able to find sleep either.
Lack of sleep helps me to respect my dreams more. I remember that lesson whenever I finally can get back to sleep.
I had tickets to the insomnia documentary Wide Awake at Sundance, but I kept finding better things to do than see movies. (Har!) There's also a drama called The Science of Sleep from the guy who made Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and another documentary (I forget the title) about the risks of working crazy hours on movie sets and falling asleep at the wheel. This sleep deprivation thing, it's all the rage these days...
Insomnia is nature's crude way of reminding you of your mortality. "Look at the precious time you're wasting just being asleep," it's saying. "Look at these productive hours you're snoring away. No, LOOK AT THEM!" Damn.
I've got the sure cure for insomnia. Get up at 4:30am and go to the gym before work every day.
You B snoozin' big time before you hit the pillow - TRUST ME, I KNOW!
Not that you'll be getting any more sleep, but at least it will be on your own terms. Also, medical research shows the sleep you get before midnight heals and helps your body more than sleep after midnight - so it's better for your bod to get up and go to bed earlier.
- M
It's the only time you have for yourself. I know. Boy, do I know!
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