I Have a Case of the…

I actually had a non-sexual fantasy driving to work this morning (I know! Shocking!). My fantasy was…I’d approach the building in my car and wonder, Hmmm, why is traffic backed up?, and then wonder, Hmmm, why are all those fire trucks in the parking lot?, and then wonder, Hmmm, does a fire in the warehouse give us two paid days off or three?

Yes. I’m a mental arsonist.

Unfortunately, or rather, fortunately for my future paychecks, the building was not on fire.

My brain is.

I feel like a lion tamer, pushing back the thoughts with a whip and a chair, wearing a top hat, howling, “Gee-yah! Get back theah!”, in some vague East Coast accent.

Here’s what I’m obsessed with so far:

1) Projects for Marketing that are so ill-conceived and so far behind schedule, I shouldn’t even have had to work on them. But I did. And I’m about to wash my hands of the whole sordid affair. Feeling relieved but strangely frightened about what I’ll be thrown next. That guy who draws Dilbert MUST be working here.

2) This made me laugh. So, now, let me get this straight…your buddies were FINE when they fought alongside you in Iraq, when they made sure you came back alive, when they fought for ‘freedom abroad’. Now you want to punish them for being in gay porn? What the faaaack??? What business is it of yours? What do you care? Jeebus on a popsicle stick, get OVER yourselves. What consenting adults do is between consenting adults. If I want to tie Sergei up to the tree out back and slather his naked body with coconut oil and prance around in front of him wearing only a small grass skirt, and slap out "Lady of Spain" on his yarbles, and he’s okay with that, that’s OUR business. Butt out. Butt. Out.

3) From afterschoolsnack comes this. Again, what’s with the spying thing? What do you care who I am? I don’t want you knowing my personal intimate details. That’s what blogs are for!

4) I need a new tattoo. Serious, man. Not want…NEEEEEEED, like air, like fresh water, like sun on my back and sand in my sandles. It’s obsessing me. I have an idea for a big tattoo, but that will wait until my fantasy boyfriend does it (or until I break down and have Local Tattoo Guy do it). Right now, I’m longing for something Japanese. But what? Koi fish? Dragon? Kanji? One of my dear cousins is dying of a brain tumor, I’d like to get something that says “family” + “protection”, but I have no clue where to look for characters that mean that. Any clues, my fine intellectual friends?

5) This guy SHOULD be the next James Bond. Sergei and I watched “Layer Cake” last night, and all I could think about was, is this guy 007 material? Oh yes. If I were Pussy Galore, I’d do him in a sec. Definitely a possible Fantasy Boyfriend.

6) Elliot speaks!

7) This just saddened me to no end this morning. I love Wendy Wasserstein. Loved? Love. I was an actress in "Uncommon Women and Others" back in the day, and I grew to love her writing, her witty banter, the way she held women up as the amazing, complex, loving creatures we are. (Plus I had the best line in the play..."I just tasted my own menstrual blood!" But that's for another post.) Rest in Peace, dear Wendy.

8) I’m bummed because some of the blogs I frequent are closing up shop. Luckily, though, some new bloggers are becoming known to me, and I can’t wait to see how they grow! Hey now, I missed ‘lurker’ day…if you’re reading this and haven’t commented, throw me a bone here. Let me come see your stuff!

Hang in!