Girly Plumbing

I don't want to sound stupid...

...or that I'm unfamiliar with the workings of female plumbing...

...but can anyone skool me in a few things about girls peeing?

(I can't wait to see what kind of google hits this post brings about.)

I always wanted to pee like a boy when I was younger. Oh, to be able to hold it and aim! Pee drawings on the sidewalk! Flicking the neighbor's annoying dog with an eyeful of warm piss! Making that "whoooowhoooooWWUUUHHHH" sound when you pee directly into the escape hatch of the toilet.

No. I sit. It comes out. I wipe, I'm done.

There's two things that have me baffled. Two weird things I'm hoping someone can straighten out for me.

1) If you're a girl, and you pee, and you sit there and can't pee any more, IF you rub your lower back right over your butt crack, very gently, you can usually pee out a wee (WEE!) bit more. And THEN you're done. Why is that?

2) Sometimes I have to pee and have a sexual fantasy at the same time. Now you longtime readers may remember, I have the ability to hands-free masturbate, achieving orgasm just by thinking sexy thoughts. Yeah, it's a gift. Anyhow, sometimes I'll be thinking of some situation, me and some dark-haired gardener named Raoul, and he's just asked me to help hoe a row (of me), and then I feel the need to pee because it's been 4 hours and I've drunk 6 cups of tea in that time. So I'll sit down and try to pee, but then the fantasy kicks in, and then everything down there tightens up so I CAN'T pee. After a little no-hands time, and that part is satisfied, then I can pee. Why can't I do both at once? The pee-hole is different from the cooter part. Is it like the windpipe and the esophagus, one has to be closed or else you choke to death?

3) Okay, three. Does anyone really like "Golden Showers"? Or is that just a sick fantasy propogated in certain back-room movie rental offerings? 'Cause...damn. Just...no.

Pee pee pee. I've really stooped with this post.