Rumours of My Demise

I’m here. Rilly, I am. See, I pulled a selfish prank and took a vacation where internet access was some futuristic idea read in old issues of Popular Science magazine. Upon return to the civilized world, having been gone for days and days, my boss thought it best to pay me for ACTUAL work, not just work I thought about doing. Of course, this happens to be our busiest time of year. The endless calls of “Mona, we NEEEEED you in this meeting!”, “Mona! Thank god you’re back! I have a REALLY tough problem for ya.”, “MOOOOOOOONA!!! Got a minute?”

No.
No I don’t.

I need trees and a lake and a frig full of beer, topped with chips.

I did a leeetle bit of trolling your blogs, but not enough to qualify.

I DID have several dozen “Great Ideas!” for blog posts that may, eventually, materialize. One of which involves a potential Fantasy Boyfriend, who is inserting himself repeatedly in my daily life.


If I were to do a post today, it would look something like this:

I.
Am.
Old.

I went to the eye doctor this morning before work, and after the exam she exclaimed, “Wow! You qualify for bifocals!”

She’s my age.

We wept together, then threw up, then I went to the outer room to talk with Fabulous Ryan about new frames and seamless bifocals.

Sergei will tease me endlessly. No doubt. Right after he counts today’s gray hairs on the top of my head and laughs knowingly at my creaky knees attempting to lift my carcass from the living room floor.

I like to think I’m “experienced” (the answer is YES, Jimi). And that bifocals are the New Fashion Trend. And that older women are sexy. And we ARE, dammit. But bifocals? Sheesh, what’s next, age spots? Dentures? Replacement hips? I’m still not finished getting tattoos, and eyeing those stupidfukking legging that all the college girls are wearing (one fashion trend that should be banished, IMHO), and thinking I’m so hip/cool/bomb by quoting lyrics from college radio bands.

Ah…now I’m just a cranky old woman.

As for Poetry Friday tomorrow…just remember what “Uncle” Ted Nugent said…”It’s a Free-For-All, baby!” Do what feels good. Let us watch.