As Thick As Peanut Butter

1) The fog rolled in this morning, and it’s not fog like in scary movies but more like fog on a day when you sleep in, and here I am at work trying to prop my eyelids up with paper clips and dumping packets of dry coffee down my throat. I’m enjoying it, actually.

2) A storm rolled in last night and we were all awakened at 2:55 a.m. with a loud BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM, and it was really like that only LONGER, with the thunderstick BOOM hanging on and on in the air for so long I thought something exploded outside, or an earthquake hit and buildings were tumbling down. I instinctively reached for my pjs beside the bed and started putting them on, as not two seconds later, Girl-child whined, “Mooooooomma!” As I went to calm her down, Boy-child came out of his room shaking, so I cuddled them both up on her bed and rubbed their rumpled heads and blanket-warmed bodies and cooed and rocked and consoled. As much as I love uninterrupted sleep, I love even more making the kids feel safe.

3) New Fantasy Boyfriend, officially…. I had to dump Brendan Shanahan (traitor to the Detroit Red Wings) and have had a tough time deciding on a replacement. As I watched Studio 60 last night, I decided, well, enough is enough, time to get off the pot, and choose Bradley Whitford as a replacement. I was going to put him in floater position, but Kirk Herbstreit is there for college football season and really, I’ve lusted after Bradley for years now. The official Fantasy Boyfriend list is rounded out by Dave Matthews, Mike Doughty, and Colin Firth. Two musicians, two actors, one sportscaster. Fair enough.

4) I can’t even process the school shootings that have happened recently. I can’t even link to them. It pisses me off to no end, and I don’t understand why these guys, these shooters, don’t just turn the guns on themselves first instead of killing and maiming innocents. I’m still not convinced of heaven and hell, but I know in my heart there’s a deep, dark, painful place waiting for these guys, and I hope to go there and stomp the shit outta them.

5) Sergei got us both memberships at the gym not far from Local University. It’s well-stocked with obsessive college boys pumping iron and too-cute college girls working on their abs and asses. I tell ya, if I must go to the gym, this is the place I wanna be! (Sergei, if you read this today, I’m going there directly after work today. Yes, I’ll pick the kids up from school. And yes, I promise not to ogle the sweaty college boys. Too much.)

6) Daniel Radcliffe as you’ve never seen him. I’m strangely turned on and repulsed at the same time. Ricky Gervais may have to rotate into Floater Boyfriend position after college bowl games....