The Swirling, Sucking Black Hole of January

January + Michigan = Misery

I’m being swallowed by the pit of despair that is post-holiday January. It’s like this every year, mind you, every year we rush through the holidays, flittering hither and yon and back again, like rats with pretty gift bags and shiny shoes, back and forth, up and down, GAR said Steve the Pirate, and finally, after the champagne is drunk and the new year has begun, we settle back into normal life.

And that’s when we realize that there’s no holiday to look forward to, and we really should lose that winter weight, and why the hell is it so dark outside when we’ve passed the first day of winter (shouldn’t the daylight be getting MORE instead of less???).

When I was acting, every January I’d get pissed off and come *this close* to quitting my acting class.

When I wasn't acting, I’d contemplate quitting my job.

Or I’d just go in a corner and shake for a while.

Something about my diet, something about that cup of coffee I had yesterday (after being caffeine-free for a while), something about the dark, something about running the kids around, something about the inevitable unpacking of the backpacks and lunch bags and much washing of clothing and reading of newsletters, sent me into a funk last night. It wasn’t that I was mad at anything or anyone. It’s that my body decided it didn’t want to be with me anymore, and couldn’t find a way to break it to me and hand me my belongings in a cardboard box.

Sergei asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t answer him. As I sat on my bed in a catatonic state after dinner, Girl-Child came in and sat beside me and asked, “Are you okay? Why are you so sad?” And I really had no answer for her. I couldn’t speak. My thoughts were an empty cartoon balloon.

Now, this scared me, as it meant one or more of the following:

1) Depression
2) Seasonal Affective Disorder
3) Extreme caffeine sensitivity
4) Not enough calories (losing the winter weight, folks)
5) Exhaustion
6) Boredom
7) The thyroid meds really aren’t working so well
8) I’m really, truly, going insane

I’m fine this morning. Something tapped my ‘reset’ button overnight and I’m my usual sex goddess/wife/mother self. Might be that 9 hours of sleep I got. Or the haunting dreams that left me confused. Or whatever chemicals were in my brain stem that were peed out. I did pee a lot this morning.

Or, it could be that last night, I fell into a dark, dreary, wintertime black hole.

Several years ago, when my new doctor discovered I had an underactive thyroid (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis), he listed the symptoms for me:

Weight gain
Dry skin
Dry hair
Fatigue
Depression
Sensitivity to cold
Constipation
Muscle cramps
Muscle weakness

I looked at him and blurted out, “But those are the symptoms of living through a Michigan January!”

Which is 100% correct.

BTW, if you do have the above symptoms, esp. you women (because we get ALL the fun diseases), check out this link to Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, and see your doctor.

And wish me luck that I don’t fall into that black hole again. I’m staying away from the coffee pot today. And thinking good, healthy thoughts.

Update: Well, this is just sad. Goddamit, but this man had PIPES!! You'll be missed, Lou.