Go Get ‘Em, Tigers

(Our power has gone out twice today, and I’ve rebooted my computer half a dozen times. If I can’t post this thing before the next outage, it’s vodka time.)

Sergei took the kids and me to a Detroit Tigers game this past weekend. We’ve been watching them this season pretty regularly, and they’ve surprised us by actually WINNING more than they’ve lost. We had high hopes for our game, it was a nice day, no rain, and what happened? We LOST 9-0. Sheah…nice. Here are 10 Thoughts About That Day:

1) Detroit needs more sprucing up downtown. Sure, they’ve torn down some of the burned-out buildings, put Comerica Park and Ford Field there, Greektown isn’t far, Hockeytown Café is charming, but it’s still a motley collection of crumbling brick, broken windows, and confusing streets. But I will say this, though…the homeless beggers were the nicest and most polite that I’ve ever encountered.

2) Comerica Park is a far cry from the Tiger Stadium I remember as a kid. Tiger Stadium had the basics…baseball, beer, hot dogs, bathrooms. (I’m sure there were other things, but that’s all I remember, and really all you need.) Tiger Stadium was a white behemoth, and sat squarely at an intersection in a no-frills kind of way. Comerica Park, on the other hand, is an open brick and steel structure with a carousel and a ferris wheel housed in it, sushi for sale, yards of daquiris, and larger-than-life tigers and baseball bat statues gracing the entrances. It’s plush, it’s lush, it’s glitzy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice, and we all had a good time, but it’s not what I remember baseball being. No one watched the game. They were too busy standing in line for five-dollar beers and Styrofoam sombreros full of nachos to notice the action. Sigh.

3) There’s always one Drunk Naked Guy who berates the people around him for not doing ‘The Wave’. Ours went home with a hellova good sunburn.

4) On days when the temperature is 80 degrees and higher, cold bottles of water should be free. ‘S’all I’m sayin’.

5) We blew several hundred dollars on tickets, parking, food, souvenirs, and the like. The LEAST you can do is give us all a free hat. Running out of hats on Free Hat Day is no excuse. First 10,000? No way. EVERYONE gets a hat or no one does. Plan better next time, Comerica Park.

6) Some women have shoulders that make them look pregnant. They just do. I’m glad I didn’t ask the woman in front of me when she was due, because it was obvious when she stood up that she had no bun in her oven. Sorry, lady.

7) Wearing high-heeled sandles at a baseball game is a very foolish thing to do. So is not putting on sunscreen. So is talking to your friend in the next section over on your cell phone for most of the game.

8) Hot dog and peanut and beer vendors that roam the stadium deserve a raise, especially when they deal with your drunk ass by smiling and nodding politely.

9) Ordonez only looks like Eddie Vedder on television. Up close? Not so much.

10) We LOST. WTF? What, am I your bad luck charm now? And then the Tigers lost Monday night to the Yankees. Pfffffft… Please, don't be like every other Detroit sports team...the Red Wings didn't make it past the first playoff series, the Lions...well, don't get me started. The Pistons are one game down and damned if I can watch the rest of it. C'mon Tigers, get your collective asses in gear and your cojones cupped up and win one for the Mona. Sorry, that was harsh. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.