My own sign says, I’m sorry, I’m smokin’….

1) I woke up this morning with the taste of Mike Doughty in my mouth. I don’t remember the actual dream, just his face asking me a question and waiting for the answer.

2) I watched, “Thank You for Smoking” last night, and have yet another Floater Fantasy Boyfriend in the wings with Aaron Eckhart.

3) Had a great birthday, lots of presents and love, got to sleep in AND got to see the Deee-troit Tigers beat the crap outta the Yankees and advance in the playoffs. Awesome-est awesome. (Derek Jeter, y’know I think you’re hot and all, but all’s fair in love and baseball.)

4) I feel perfectly okay being the bitchy old woman bitch, which comes with age and a ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude. I yelled at the pharmacists at the grocery store last week when they ignored me at the counter to take all the drive-up customers. Yelled at them with my pink-eyed 9-year old son beside me, who was hungry and frustrated. YELLED. Got service. Have a nasty letter formulating in my head, all about Customer Service and future purchases. I will bitch again. Oh yes. I will.

5) My current girl-crush is on Amy Sedaris. Sergei bought me her book, “I Like You”, for my birthday, and while I haven’t had time to read much yet, I can tell already that at least half a dozen of it’s pages will be stuck together with drool at her fantabulousness. I want to cover her in icing and sprinkle her up with jimmies. Mmmm…jimmies….

6) Speaking of girl crushes, can I give a shout-out to girlfriends in general? I mean, the girl-girlfriends? My good friend Lynn invited me out to dinner for our birthdays (hers was a few weeks ago), and this morning my good work-girlfriend Amy gave me the best-smelling hug (and the promise of ‘some little thing’ she forgot at home), AND my goodgood friend Lisa brought me flowers…FLOWERS!...in a pot!...with a mylar Happy Birthday balloon…AND the birthday card we’ve been trading back and forth for a few years now, wherein two dogs say, “We’re a couple of hot bitches!” Damn how I love that!

7) Jeebus Gawd, is there NOTHING I can eat? Lettuce and beef are two of my staple foods…. Fack….

8) Too much, doctah...had my surgical consult last Friday for my lousy tear duct, and I really wish doctors wouldn't tell me SO much. I mean, I know they have to for liability and such, but really, when I'm sitting there swooning and trying not to pass out because of the details, there's no sense going on. Just tell me I'm having surgery, tell me I'll heal in 5 days, and that I need to learn to sneeze out my mouth, and I'll be good.