Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Storks, Cabbage Patches, and Other Fables

I'm trying to type quietly, as there is a sleepy man in my bed and I really must post as I missed Tuesday completely (a-cursed work) and Wednesday morning is spent at the kids' school. And when I don't blog, it's like forgetting to really want to, but it's almost too late, so do you wait? Til later? When the Brilliant Incredible Blog Idea arrives? Or just blog because it's Tuesday night and your mind is skewed in many directions? Which had NOTHING to do with pee, but the tangent was there and I took the road more traveled. Less? Skewed, I tells ya.

Boy-child is learning about Human Sexuality (one section of the Health series his 4th grade class is entering).

He thinks sex is gross.

His thinking it's gross amuses me.

Because in a few years it'll be hormones and facial hair and body odor and girls calling and him calling girls and being all ooshy-gooshy about Janelle or Heather or Kika or Tawnia. And I'll answer his questions and not take his door-slamming personally, and not pry too much for me but too much for him.

Y'know...typical mom.

I was thinking tonight about how I learned about sex. It wasn't from my mom. ("The Period Talk" she gave me was the morning of The Film in 4th grade, and then she made it sound like you peed blood. That's it. The only other Sex Talk we had was the day before I left for college...she said, "If a guy asks you to come up to his room to see his etchings, Don't Go." I nodded knowingly. It's weird, though, because now that I'm a grownup, we can talk about sex or periods or most anything, with astonishing honesty.)

I learned about sex from my next-door neighbor, Polly.

I was 9, she was 10 1/2. She told me, "The guy has like a tube, the thing he pees out of, and he puts it in the woman's pee place, and squirts liquid up there, and then a baby grows, and comes out that hole."

Freaked me right out.

I had what I guess was the typical kid-response...every couple I saw after that, every man and woman holding hands, my aunts and uncles, teachers at school, my own (saintly) mom and (dorky) dad...all did THAT THING.


It wasn't til after puberty that the idea of sex didn't sound like the worst thing a human had to endure.

Then, of course, in college, sex was ALL I thought about.

Now that I'm a grownup, I think about it, oh, not ALL the time, but a LOT of the time.

Do you remember when you first found out how babies were made? What was your reaction?


At 1:38 AM, Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Oh my. We had the same friend. And the same mom, with the same Talk.

At 7:34 AM, Blogger Lucia said...

I must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade, and my best friend and I were at school, hanging around the swings at recess. She told me, and I thought she was delusional. I mean come on! Eeeww! That can't really happen. Can it?

My parents? Not. A. Word.

At 8:00 AM, Blogger Dan said...

Now that I'm a grownup, I think about it, oh, not ALL the time, but a LOT of the time.

Good for you! You make me feel less ... er ... perverted. Because I think about it a LOT of the time too.

My dad actually told me about sex after I started using the f-word at home. I guess I was about 9 or 10. Yeah, it was gross. I don't think he told me all of the mechanics, but he did explain a bit about sex. I thought it was very weird. I actually posted about it a while back. :)

At 8:42 AM, Blogger patches said...

My mother freaked me out, but my older sister set the record straight. She was so excited that she found Mr Right (you know right here, right now) that she had to share.

At 10:30 AM, Blogger Gordo The Geek said...

I don't remember how old I was, but I do recall my poor father desperately stammering around something, then thrusting a book into my hands. Poor Dad. I still have the book.

Philip is turning 10 this year, so our talk is approaching. I hope I'll handle it better.

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Taxmom said...

My fourth grader last year came home and announced that he was finding the Growth and Development unit to be useful because it was helping him understand Dave Barry better.

At 6:09 PM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

We didn't have that film till Gr. 5 and luckily I had 2 older oldest was just given a book that I tried to read. I was kinda grossed and wondered how things fit. I told my best friend and she freaked and wouldn't believe me! She kept saying babies had something to do with how many lines on your palm!!!!

At 6:23 PM, Blogger gypsy said...

Oh. My. God.

I think we had the same mother. She did it (or, didn't do it) just like yours. The period talk on the day of the film, and later a "don't let anyone lure you" talk.

I, too, learned about it from a neighbor who was a year ahead of me in school, and I, too, went "WHAA?? GROSSS! I THINK YOU ARE LYING."

At 6:24 PM, Blogger Diana said...

Mimi King told me in 4th grade. She said pretty much what Polly said to you. I was both horrified and perplexed as I couldn't figure how 'the tube' fitted up there. I mean, it pointed down, just hanging there, right?

At 6:43 AM, Blogger jo(e) said...

I can remember learning it at a pajama party. I can remember thinking that it was sort of logical.

Most of my further knowledge came from reading books. My mother wasn't much to talk about this stuff, but she was good at providing books that covered the basics.

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Gawd, the daughters of today are going to be so much more informed with the ease of parents of our generation talking to their kids...a good change I think!
Our parents were so uncomfortable with any sex stuff.

At 11:28 AM, Anonymous bugg said...

Okay, I have to say that being adopted really warps you. I remember being told where babies came from but it didn't have any relevence since my parents bsically told me that they just picked me up and brought me home, like I magically appeared. I never thought about sex like that. And I had scary Catholic parents who only told me to never do it or they would kill me. And somehow, I never knew anyone who was pregant so when I got pregnant at 31 that was my first experience with thinking about where babies came from and I was a little weird about it because I kept thinking oh my God everyone knows we have sex!, even though we'd been married three years by that point.

I swear it would take a therapist years and years to fix me.

At 12:44 PM, Blogger NainaAshley said...

I grew up in a more conservatve evironment in India . I had a similar mom. I think I learnt about it at age 12 from a friend in a similar conversation.
Found your blog through Sanjay. Ok to blogroll you?

At 12:47 PM, Blogger meno said...

I learned about sex from a dog-eared copy of "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* but were afraid to ask" much of which was wrong or skewed.

As w/Lucia; my mom, not one word!


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