Little boxes made of ticky-tacky

What is it, almost 2 in the afternoon? And I can’t hold a coherent thought in my head, and now I can’t blame it on lack of sleep? I mean, I can blame it, but now it’s sort of silly, innit, to say Oh, I got up early and had to go to the hospital lab before I went to work and had no breakfast for the fasting thing, and no caffeine, and now (stretch, yawn) I’m SOOOO SLEEEPY. Too late for that. Even though my brain is squeezing circular lyrics out of childhood songs, and blog posts I read at 7 am today, and remembering my dreams last night that went all night, that echo around my brainpan like the cheers in a high school auditorium during semi-final state basketball championships.

So yeah, my girlfriends and I went to an Adult Store last Friday night, and spent the better part of an hour pointing and giggling and fondling the merchandise. Just like the other dozen women in there, same age, same barely-visible embarrassment, same awe at the size of the double-donger. (That thing could cause some serious damage, folks…serious internal damage.) My friend C and I both bought a new ‘friend’, hers was purple, mine was pink…about the size and thickness of my middle finger, with tantalizing ridges and a curious flipped-up tip. Waterproof. With extra batteries. Sergei took the kids out shopping Saturday morning, so after I showered, I thought…hmm…me…alone…with toys…what to do, what…to…do. I used The Little Nipper along with Big Red (which looks a lot like Sergei), and, oh, children, it was miraculous! Now I can’t wait for the next “me” time, get my pals out, see what else they can do.

I’m trying to give up my long-standing diet soda habit. Most days it’s two 16.9 fl oz bottles of Diet Vernors ginger ale. Sometimes a diet 7-Up. Rarely Diet Coke. I have this irrational fear, or rather, suspicion, that diet sodas, even though sugar-free and caffeine-free, are causing me some internal disturbance, perhaps interfering with my good intentions at watching what I eat and, more importantly, losing weight. Yesterday I had NO soda at all. Not one. Just water and decaf coffee. Today it much the same, except for a few sips of Diet Vernors to wash down my thyroid meds after getting my blood drawn. Does anyone know about this diet soda thing? How much is too much?

Sometimes, in a fleeting moment of weakness, I wish I still smoked. Then Reality gut-checks me with a clenched fist to my solar plexus, and I remember why I quit, 13 years ago this month.

My attention is drifting again, so I leave you with Ani…BIG girl-crush, yo.