Thursday, April 03, 2008

Poetry Friday WORD for Tomorrow, and does your butt itch?

Spring Break is next week for most of the schools in the area, and last night at Girl-Child’s dance class, The Other Moms were talking about their plans…”We’re going to Hilton Head”…”Our family is flying to DisneyWorld”…”The Caribbean is only a short jump from Miami anyway”….

Well good for you, beotches. ‘Cause while you’re gone I can drive around my city and not have to deal with your dumbass driving techniques. I can eat out anywhere I want and not have to deal with your misbehaving children, especially that 3-year old that you let throw toy cars at people. I don’t have to hear you blabbing on and on about your church, your financial situation, or how you don’t understand how working moms can be GOOD moms.

Don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out of town.

The Poetry Friday WORD for Tomorrow is AWAY. As in, going away. Far, far away. Feel free to use this word in your blog post tomorrow, in whatever coconut-scented SPF50 you desire…poem, story, photo, limerick, instrumental variation on Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, thong-panty reveal….

At Girl-child's school musical yesterday, a nurse friend of mine said some child at school (a snot-nosed dirty boy, I assume) has come down with pinworm. I have only a vague notion of what that is, so I asked her what it meant, and she said, “Worms come out your butt.”


Sure enough, I read the note in Girl-Child's backpack and this is what it said: “Pinworm is an intestinal infection caused by tiny parasitic worms measuring about 5 to 10 millimeters (about half to one centimeter) in length…About 2 to 4 weeks after a person acquires the pinworm eggs, adult female pinworms begin migrating from the large intestine to the area around the rectum. There, they will lay new pinworm eggs, which trigger itching around the rectum.”

And so on.

And it’s really hard to read this stuff without laughing.

So, you get this parasite from some dirty kid. You put your finger in your mouth, the pinworms go on Spring Break down to your intestines, and when they want to lay eggs, they travel to the amusement park called “My Rectum”, and do the deed. You then scratch your butt, touch the counter, someone touches it after you, the pinworms get in their RV and travel into their mouth, etc.

The funniest part was the diagnosis. “Your child’s doctor may ask you to help make the diagnosis of pinworm by placing a sticky piece of clear cellophane tape against your child’s rectum. Pinworm eggs will stick to the tape and can be seen under a microscope.”

Tape my child’s butt cheeks together? And then examine the results?


I’m secretly hoping someone we know will get it, and tell me how all that goes down. Tape your butt hole and look for eggs? Now THAT’S some sort of fun!


At 9:21 AM, Blogger patches said...

There was a time when the biggest concern in grade school was head lice. How quickly things change.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Maggie said...

just ewwww

At 5:37 PM, Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Hey missy that is NOT funny! *sob* The memories....
I can't help it if I went to school in the ghetto.

" you don’t understand how working moms can be GOOD moms."

Grrrr....let me at 'em. We're all supposed to be on the same team - Team Mom - the one that makes life better for ALL moms.

Good God, it's Ranty Dancehall Thursday. I blame the falling snow outside my window and Day Six of the boyos' spring break.

At 5:45 PM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Might be better than head lice!!!

At 7:35 PM, Blogger meno said...

Being a parent is just all glamour ain't it?

Pin worms. Like Nancy said, the memories.

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Irrelephant said...

*shiver* Never had parasites, but how I managed to spend an entire childhood playing in cow manure, swimming in ditch water filled with field run-off and handling every single thing found under rotting logs without coming down with Ebola is beyond me.

At 3:40 PM, Blogger Clowncar said...

My sister and I once watched a worm crawl out of our kitty's butt. Absolutely, without question, one of the most disgusting things I've ever witnessed. Thanks for bringing it all back into my brain, in living color.


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