Tuesday, January 09, 2007

This time I’m losing my mind this time

I used to really freak out about things coming up missing.

Until I started losing my mind.

When the kids started school, we encountered the typical torrential downpour of backpacks-and-lunches-and-homework-and-notesfortheteacher-and-gymshoes-and-snowpants-and-boots-and-mittens-and-hats-and-coats-and-sweaters-and-waterbottles-and-snacks-and-librarybooks-and-popsiclepictureframes-and-and-and…

Something would always come up missing.

It was usually something small, say, a mitten, or a hoodie thrown aside during gym class.


I dragged my poor children up and down the halls, like some manic Indiana Jones looking for treasure, patting the tops of lockers, pawing through Lost and Found, forcing my kids to ‘trace their steps’ like some sort of sick Bad Cop.

We almost always found whateveritwas.

I’d lecture the kids about responsibility, and how important it is to keep an eye on their hats and coats, especially in zero-degree weather, and how inconvenient it was to drag them hither and yon finding all this stuff.

They listened.
They started keeping track.
They do a pretty good job.

And then,
I started to lose my mind.

It started innocently enough.

Where were my car keys?
Not that pocket, no.
Oh, my purse.

Where is my grocery list?
10 minutes later, oh…here it is.
How’d it get there?

Waking from a sound sleep…
…did I take out the garbage?
Did I pack the lunches?
Or did I just think about packing the lunches?
Is there even school tomorrow?

I started losing my car in the parking lot of Big Grocery/Everything Store.

There were several close calls with…uh…’feminine products’.

I lost receipts and ToDo lists.
I lost the eyeglasses from my face.

Piles of work ‘in my hand’ just a second ago disappeared before I could walk next door to talk to the boss.

I lost a full grocery cart once. (I still don’t know what happened…I had filled it with groceries and was looking at lamps for some reason…turned around…and couldn’t remember the last time I had pushed the cart. Traced my steps and still couldn’t find the thing. Had to sheepishly re-shop. Thank the Jeebus I had no kids with me….)

Now, I could chalk it up to being really busy, really stressed with the ins-and-outs of two kids and their activities and school, and the hubby, and our jobs, the house, car trouble, the cat puking yet again, the injustices of the world we’re trying to undo, whatnot.

I could say it’s because I’m getting older.

I might blame My Stupid Thyroid.

And it might be a combination in greater or lesser part of all of them.

But the kids are catching on.

I can see that look in their eyes, whenever I morph into The Mom Who Lost Something, and I get that panicked ‘oh-shit’ look.

The kids are thinking, Oh no, not again…do we HAVE to lecture Mom about responsibility?
Silly, stupid woman.

I’m just hoping they put me in a nice retirement home.


At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mona, hasn't anyone told you there's a big black hole in the universe that sucks these things in and there's nothing you can do about it? It might be near the North Pole with Santa Claus, or, no, maybe it's a rabbit hole where the Easter Bunny lives, anyway, I've lost my thought...

At 8:19 AM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

We're all with ya...especially if near or in Menopause! My fav sticky note pad says, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!"

At 8:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am with ya on those small things being forgotten, esp on weekends, when I have to go shopping. So far it's a weekend affliction sure to ooze into my weekdays.

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Maggie said...

I'll bet there's some big cosmic Lost and Found out there somewhere. And when you find it, you'll find your keys, all the socks that used to belong to the lonely socks without mates in your house, that perfect recipe that you wrote down but now cannot find anywhere, AND your mind.

So listen, if you get there first, let us all know how to get there too.

At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My father once couldn't find his glasses and he was wearing them. I am genetically prone to losing my car in the parking lot, which is the only reason why I have an alarm. It's a handy, non-fancy GPS system for me.

At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous, too said...

If your cat is anything like mine are, you'll find the, uh, 'feminine products' under the sofa. That's where mine always put the Q-tips, the cotton balls, and the cap from the shaving cream can.

At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Bugg said...

my brain just imploded from trying to figure out what could have happened to your mispalaced shopping cart. this will now bug me until the day i die.

At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My lost and found gremlin revealed itself to me in a dream when I was in 4th grade. It lives in a cave and sits atop a pile of all the things I've lost over all the years, which, like you, those lost things have increased exponentially as my own years have increased.

The stuff I lose that I just had a second ago usually end up getting found in the stupidest places (the keys in the fridge, the ipod outside on the trash can), which REALLY scares me. So, that shopping cart, (which, by the way, freaks my knees) might have ended up in the bathroom.


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