Thursday, May 12, 2005

Sweet Juicy Globes o' Goodness

Boys like boobies.

Just wanted to get that out of the way. any age...instinctively are drawn to boobies. The gay ones, too.

It must be some reverse-penis-envy thing. Y'always want what ya don't got. I want a penis so I can aim to pee, and to see how weird it is when your dick sits straight up just 'cause you see a halfway decent pair of female legs.

That would be so fucking cool!

At least for a while.

The boy-child's second grade class had a field trip this morning that I chaperoned. They're studying plant life, and went to a local supermarket for a look at fruits and veggies, armed with lists of questions to answer (e.g., "What's a flower that we eat?"). We all had a great time, basically took over that whole end of the store, but no one there seemed to mind.

Whilst looking for 'Plants we eat raw', boy-child and his classmate, "V", happened by an endcap full of cantaloupes and honeydews.

I swear this is what happened:

They stopped in front of the melons.
Their eyes glazed over like a box of Krispy Kremes.
Their hands reached
Their fingertips touched the smooth skin of the honeydews, and their boyish bodies were drawn closer to the display.
They rubbed their hands over the mountains of melons.
Big shit-eating grins spread over their faces.
They both said, almost in unison, and like they had just found a mountain of sweet sweet candy, "Thiiiiiiiiis is my faaaaaaaavorite fruuuuuuuit!"

I had to cover my mouth with both hands to keep from spit-laughing.

They noted the color, size, and texture of the melon on their charts, and were very hesitant to leave that area.

"C'mon guys, we gotta find "Plants whose roots we eat!"

No movement from the boys.

"Come. On. Now!"

I steered them toward a mountain of mushrooms and held up a package of portobello caps..."See how big THESE are?!? Look over here! No, not at the melons. Over Here!"

On the way back to the school on the bus, the boy-child snuggled next to me. Now, this is the kid who won't even let me KISS him goodbye at the school, for fear his friends will see. If I even bend down like I'm contemplating a kiss, he pulls his entire body away like he's covered in honey and I have a box o' bees.

But today, he pulled in close and lay his cheek on the front of my shoulder, such that the only comfortable way for us both to sit is if I put my arm around him. Which, of course, let him be even closer to the food source of his earliest days. He pretended to be asleep.

And he had that shit-eating grin on his face.

Hooray for boobies!!!


At 1:56 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

Were you trying to turn your son gay w/ the mushroom caps? ;)

Well, they do make the best sons, heh.

P.S. Is the flower that we eat squash flower, or is it broccoli/cauliflower?

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Mona Buonanotte said...

Ding Ding Ding Ding!

And the lady wins the Brand New Automobile!

It is, indeed broccoli and cauliflower. (The store didn't have squash flowers, but great guess. They also didn't have 'prickly pear' either, which was on our list, and I'm pretty glad we didn't find it...ouch. That's ALL I woulda needed to start my day, a dozen squirrely boys chasing each other with sharp fruit....)

At 4:42 PM, Blogger Pisser said...

I dig nopalitos in salad...I think they take out the espinas, which, by the way, my uncle once got in him from my aunt said, "Marc has espinas", which my grandma thought was, "Marc has a penis."

Mass confusion ensued.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger bitchphd said...

The boob fetish isn't about envy. It's about "that's how I stayed alive for the first several months, and wow, wasn't that a great time in my life?"

As to peeing standing up, you can too! Use two fingers to spread the inner labia and aim a bit. Practice in the shower. You can get pretty good at it.

At 5:40 PM, Blogger Orange said...

What a helpful suggestion, Dr. B!

The boys love the melons, huh? That explains the popularity of large implants. Ben does love to rest a hand or his head on my bosom. Fortunately he leaves the boobs alone in the shower, or I'd have to give up the time-saving pairing up.

(Sometimes he pronounces it "breasties.")

At 5:41 PM, Blogger Bear said...

Well...Hello! what's not to like?!?!

If god made anything much nicer (other than sex, of course!!..) than cuddling up to one's wife and burying one's face in her copious, soft, round, wonderful boobies.... well.... he's still got it!!

I think I'll go search out Elysia and see how the boobies are doing... I reckon they must be very lonely and in great need of nuzzling and cuddling right about now...

"Are those sore??... Poor girl, here, let me numb them up for you.... NUM-NUM-NUM!!!"


At 5:44 PM, Blogger Orange said...

I just asked Ben, "Hey do you think boys like breasts?" "Yeah," he replied. "Why?" "Um, because they like to hug their moms."

When he's dating, that one could be a little awkward...

At 9:25 PM, Blogger bitchphd said...

Aww, but what a sweet response!

Maybe it shows that he'll be great at dating, and knows exactly how to say the right thing?


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