Monday, October 16, 2006

Mammograms! Git yer fresh hot Mammograms here!

I am not, nor have I ever been, “perky”.
That is, perky in the boob-u-lar sense.

I’m telling you this by way of introduction to my attitude to mammograms.

I like them.
I really do.

I’ve never had to worry about perkiness making for a painful experience.
I have the soft voluptuousness that allows for a lift, flop, and gentle manipulating by the inevitable cold tech fingers.

I tried to commit the machine to memory this morning, to give y’all a play-by-play, but really, there’s nothing like the machine…oh, maybe, something like the x-ray machine in your dentist office morphed with HAL from “2001”, mated with one of those robotic arm-thingys they show on the Discovery Channel, and topped off with two square plates that magically compress…and have booby lines where the outer edge of one’s breasteses should be.

I love the techs. We always chat energetically. They’re always nice, animated, concerned, female, and very nonplussed.

I must admit to a bit of…a tiny teeny bit of…fear, afterward, when they have the films and have to check them over to make sure they got a good picture. I worry unnecessarily, of course, as they’re only looking for film quality and not some gigantic mass that screams, “Oh Dear God!”. That comes later. That gets confirmed by a cute little postcard. Or, as I’m told, a serious phone call.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and for all you ladies out there, and for all the gents who love you, make sure you take good care of those little puppies up there. Get those mammograms, do your monthly self-check, don’t ignore any suspicious activity in the general breastal area.

I found out a few weeks ago that a fellow mom-friend of mine has breast cancer. She is having a mastectomy next week, and reconstructive surgery at the same time. They hope all the cancer is isolated in that breast. But they can’t be sure. Her daughter is good friends with my daughter. The mom is my age. Talk about fear…well, jeebus. They feel fortunate they caught it at this stage.

I can’t even imagine.

As I was leaving the Breast Lab this morning, the tech handed me a decorative pink bag with swag inside…a booby pen, some mints, a metallic pink bow pin, other assorted goodies to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month. She also pointed me to the table where I could enter a drawing to win Free Prizes, so of course, I did.

The goodie bag was nice. But it was totally unnecessary.

My nubbins LONG to be squished every year. Just…just in case….


At 3:05 PM, Blogger Maggie said...

Ok you are officially a freak. I have never heard of someone who loved the machine. I have not had one yet. I cannot remember the age when you are supposed to start but I'm pretty sure I'm not there yet. I should check with my Dr. though. I'm scared to get one done. All the horror stories I've heard...
But you have a point, the puppies deserve to be protected.

At 4:55 PM, Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

Although I do not ever want my boobs squished, when the time comes I will be in line!

it is so important and with 1 in every 8 women diagnosed with breast cancer, it is time we demanded a cure for this terrible disease.

At 5:59 PM, Blogger Lucia said...

Yep, I agree with Maggie about the freak thing. Lift. Set on plexiglass plates to smash as if running over with a car tire. Stop breathing. Release. Repeat.

The techs are always wonderful. The experience, neutral. Don't love it. Don't hate it.

Sometimes I'm a bad girl and don't get 'em. Almost every time I do, they do some sort of creepy exploratory biopsy or surgery or ultrasound, and if I creep under the radar and don't get 'em, I don't have to deal with the aftermath. It's been nothing every time so far, and fibroids run in my family, so I think I'll have false tests pretty much every time I go into the room.

I want the goodie bag but not the mammogram.

At 1:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks ladies for promoting breast health!! Please remember breast cancer awarness is all year not just in October!! Encourge all the special women in your life to take the plunge and this month you are bound to get extra rewarded! All of us who have the oppurtunity to save a life by doing one mammogram at a time thank you for your support. We are here for our patients!! One of many under appreciated "boob smashers"

At 9:58 AM, Blogger pinky pinkerson said...

I didn't think I was of the age to get a mammogram, but at my last annual checkup, my OB said "go." So I did.

It was not pleasant, but it wasn't particularly unpleasant either. The tech was ridiculously perky. My chest was not.

Ever since I started reading "I Blame The Patriarchy," I no longer feel very good about the whole pink breast cancer awareness thing.

(ironic, coming from someone who likes the color pink, but there you go)

At 1:35 PM, Blogger Orange said...

I'm with you on the mammogram ease, Mona. Lift a boob, lay it out gently across the glass plate, and take a picture. It's the one advantage of being large but resolutely non-perky. It was the "tilt your shoulder this way/aim your head that way" awkwardness of posturing that was the biggest hassle, as no actual crushing was required.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger Cynical Girl said...

I really can't wait to turn 40.

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Mother of Invention said...

What goody bag? Man, we don't get them here in The Great White North! Great idea but I'm sure they wouldn't rationalize the $ it cost although they could probably get the stuff donated. I'm going to suggest it. I've had 33 mammograms since I was 32 and had a lumpectomy due to scar tissue from diabetes that they thought was cancer for sure. Man, was I relieved. I'm now 52. My 2 sisters were diagnosed last year within months of each other. My sister-in-law too. Talk about scary and close to home.

Wish your friend good luck and you, too.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger gypsy said...

Best wishes to your friend. I recently had my first mamo. It wasn't bad, and I really loved the tech too. She was capable and professional and cool and just what I would want in the woman who was getting ready to squish my boob in the robotic machine.

My claim to mamo-fame? She had to switch it to bigger trays for my big jugs!! ;)


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